How to Be a Better Lover

Most people I know want to be better lovers.

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There are a ton of books out there on how to get the love you want, how attract the love of your life and be ecstatically happy with your soulmate forever.  Nothing wrong with getting the love you want or even looking for someone to love you.

But, true love is a gift that’s bursting to be given. That’s what love does.

And, whether we want to give someone 1,000 dollars or one selfless act of kindness we’ve got to possess that thing before we can give it away.

Here’s the very best way we know how to be a better lover:

get really good at being a great receiver…

of God’s love.

Now before you yawn and roll your eyes and say yeah, why don’t you give me something I can actually do.

Here are three (plus a bonus) ways to practice this: 

1) For 5-10 mins a day practice receiving

In order to be a good love giver we have to learn how to be an even better love receiver. This is a receiving practice so relax your mind if it starts trying to tell you you’re suppose to be DOing something. Nope. There is nothing for you to do but receive.

This isn’t a worship or learning or praying practice. It’s simply a time to open yourself to what is already abundantly there for you in the presence of God. Irrevocable Love.

Find a comfortable place to sit or lie still with your hands open. I used to use a hammock on our back porch. Imagine you’re entering into God’s undivided attention.

Now become aware of your breathing. With every inhale see your breath as God’s love entering you and filling you (because it is. what could possibly be more loving than to give us every ounce of oxygen we need to live?) Think of God’s love as the air you take in.

Now, with every three or four breaths say silently to God, “You see me here God, and you love me completely.” This is a phrase I often use, but you can use any phrase that invites you to recieve God’s love. You could even just say, “Thank you.” or “I receive your love God.”

After a few minutes of breathing and receiving just sit still and allow yourself to enjoy the truth that God does know you and see you and love you completely.

At other times during the day be conscious to bring Receiving Love back to your awareness. And say again, silently, Thank you or I receive your love God.

2) Look for Love

Wherever you go ask God to show you love. When you see it expressed in the simplest of ways make note of it, either mentally or in a little notebook or on a 3×5 card in your pocket. A server closes the blinds to shield a customer from the sunlight. A driver stops for a pedestrian. A stranger smiles at you. You see people hug.

Any gesture showing someone preferring someone else first, someone noticed a person alone and spoke to them or met a need, made a sacrifice, was thoughtful. Also note where opportunities to love were missed. Not that someone missed an opportunity to love you– but someone else. Don’t make judgements good or bad about these. Just make mental or physical note of them.

What’s the point? Instead of just blindly going through your day, re-sensitize your eyes to truly see real people in real need of love.

3) Choose a scripture: 

Pick one of the following scriptures to post somewhere where you can see it several times a day. Copy it several times and think about what it means to you. Use the verse to ignite spoken or written prayers and meditations. Dig into why this verse is meaningful, necessary or directional for your life right now. Repeat it out loud every now and then. Challenge yourself to memorize it.

I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with loving kindness. 

Jeremiah 31:3

The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

1 Timothy 1: 14

The eyes of the Lord are on those who revere him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.

Ps 33:18

We love because he first loved us.

I John 4:19

Something More:

Is there someone in your life you need to love better? What is God saying to you about them? What is God saying for you to do? If you still find this hard, try praying for them through the practice of breathing in God’s love for them. You can’t give them what you do not have.

Or maybe there’s someone you know who needs one of the above scriptures? Why not text or email it to them with a note of encouragement.

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You can contact me at:  [email protected]

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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