LTP 9- How to Make a Resilient Marriage (with guest Dr. Judy Johnson)

Why do so many marriages start with such high aspirations and then often turn toxic over the years? Dr. Judy Johnson introduces us to the 4 Horsemen that can end a marriage.

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Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.”  You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

The story of how Dr. Johnson became engaged in marital therapy.

Why do people who know the truth of God, the scriptures, and themselves, are still not able to fully live into every part of that truth?

  • Lack of maturity.  Many don’t know how to put away thoughts and emotions from the past that reflect who they are as new people in Christ.
  • Confusion.  People get stuck when they don’t fully understand the roots of their confusion.
  • Lack of understanding of self. 95% of all behavior is automatic.  We literally don’t even think about our auto-pilot reactions each day and where they actually come from.

Most couples that get married, walk to the altar with massive aspirations and convinced how well it will go. How does marriage move from that place of hope to where the entire thing is falling apart?

Explanation of the 40 year research project of Dr. John Gottman on: “Why are some marriages happy and others are vastly unhappy?”

Certain toxic interactions that happen in a marriage that are high predictors of divorce.

Four ‘Horsemen’ that will bring the end to a marriage

  •  Criticism.  Knowing the difference between complaint Vs criticism.  Speaking to the actual behavior VS demeaning the person.
  •  Contempt.  A step up from #1.  Where a person takes a superior position and they put the other person down because put them down by making a case for how they are better than the other.

The everyday of ‘this’ as opposed to one major event, is what ends up destroying the relationship. Contempt is the highest predictor of divorce outcome.

  •  Defensiveness.  When people demonstrate defensiveness either with a counter-attack or where they position themselves as the victim. Shifting and deflecting responsibility.
  •  Stone walling.  Here someone refuses to move forward and they shut down.  One must know the difference between men and women on this issue.

Three practices in day-to-day healthy relationships

A.  Taking responsibility.  How to move from blaming to taking the responsibility you should.

B.  Complete the bidding.  Bids are made daily for emotional connection and need to be completed.

C.   Update & understand your love maps.  There is a map in the brain of your spouses or friends inner world, that indicates what is important to them.

What happens when a marriage doesn’t end up getting restored and ends in divorce? Listen to the podcast for more on this.

The power of Romans 12:2 “…be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

To find out more, listen to this podcast in its entirety by clicking on the play button.

Recommended resource mentioned in the interview today:

Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr John Gottman

You can contact Dr. Johnson HERE.

Join the Conversation

Our favorite part of doing these podcasts is participating in the conversation they provoke. Each week, we’ll ask one question. This week, it is this:

Question: “Which of the four ‘horsemen’ tend to ‘gallop’ into your mind and relationships and try to take over?”

Ask Us a Question

If you have a question, comment, or thought to share with us,  we’d love to hear from you.  Simply click here: COMMUNICATE w/ David & Caron.

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