LIVE TRUE http://www.youlivetrue.com Helping Leaders Change Their World by Leading from a Healthy Soul Thu, 15 Jun 2017 19:52:08 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.7.5 Join spiritual leaders and teachers, David and Caron Loveless, each week for The Live True Podcast - dedicated to helping you break through barriers that hinder your living, loving, and leading. Each episode is a dynamic conversation around proven and practical spiritual secrets that can revolutionize the way you see yourself, love and relate to others, and do your work with more fruitfulness and fulfillment as you live out of the source of your true identity.<br /> <br /> David &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp; Caron have helped thousands of individuals, couples, and leaders in more than 50 countries. With refreshing candor they talk about they’ve learned through their own successes and failures in relationships, family, leadership, and the spiritual journey. They also offer interviews and insights from some of the world’s best spiritual leaders, psychologists, and wisdom teachers. David and Caron Loveless clean David and Caron Loveless david@youlivetrue.com david@youlivetrue.com (David and Caron Loveless) THE podcast dedicated to true spiritual living LIVE TRUE http://www.youlivetrue.com/wp-content/uploads/powerpress/Live-True-Podcast_final.jpg http://www.youlivetrue.com Orlando, FL Weekly 84694129 It Happens To All Of Us: How To Pass The Experience Of Failure http://www.youlivetrue.com/happens-us-pass-experience-failure/ http://www.youlivetrue.com/happens-us-pass-experience-failure/#respond Thu, 15 Jun 2017 19:37:54 +0000 http://www.youlivetrue.com/?p=3709 The other day I was heading into a public restroom, and I glanced down the hall to see a woman having one of those moments we pray never happen to...

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The other day I was heading into a public restroom, and I glanced down the hall to see a woman having one of those moments we pray never happen to us. Apparently, during the goings on of her visit to the ladies room she had inadvertently tucked the back of her dress into the top of her underwear.

I had a split second to decide if I would embarrass her by letting her know that a whole lot more than her slip was showing or have her risk the possibility of an even more devastating reveal to unsuspecting co-workers. I quickly got her attention and with a simple hand gesture let her know that her back door was open.  From the other end of the hall, she yelled, “Oh my gosh!

We’ve all had moments or days or seasons when we’ve wanted to crawl under the table for one reason or another:  

  • Getting a speeding ticket on a busy highway
  • Someone making a crack about your passport photo
  • Filing for bankruptcy
  • Getting called into the boss’ office for a reprimand
  • Slipping on wet pavement in front of a crowd of people
  • Losing an important client or competition
  • Being dunked on during a basketball game
  • Being turned down for a job or a date
  • Going through a divorce
  • Showing up underdressed at a formal event
  • Putting your foot in your mouth
  • Having to confess a serious mistake or failure

When we lose, mess up or think we look bad it feels rough, but it’s never the whole picture of who we are. If we stay awake, those unwanted but very human moments of humiliation can remind us that we are far more than our public image.

All I need is one humiliation a day to remind my ego that it’s not in charge and to keep me centered in who I am in God. 

    Richard Rohr

Our true self is actually the only thing we will ever possess that cannot be shaken, embarrassed, devastated or destroyed. When all else fails it’s still alive.

A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul.

Michael Beckwith

We love this quote and we cringe knowing, painfully, first hand how it feels to live this out. Our ego, our compulsive, false self is the part of us that must always be right, look good and be successful. And as a result, it’s also the part of us that feels shame.

No matter what’s happened our true self remains intact, unphased by failure, loss or human error because it is eternal.

The next time your ego gets bruised notice it, acknowledge it, but remind it that you are much more than the appearance of things. Even if a failure of yours failure goes viral, there is truth and comfort in knowing you can withstand that exposure because you are not your faults, and your failures are passing experiences. Let’s grow from our mistakes but not be defeated by them.

Written by Caron Loveless

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Indispensable Me http://www.youlivetrue.com/indispensable-me/ http://www.youlivetrue.com/indispensable-me/#respond Thu, 08 Jun 2017 12:54:17 +0000 http://www.youlivetrue.com/?p=3703 “They can’t do it without me.” “If I’m not in there to keep an eye on things it probably won’t go well.” These are statements we said to ourselves at...

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“They can’t do it without me.” “If I’m not in there to keep an eye on things it probably won’t go well.”

These are statements we said to ourselves at various times in our leadership lives. We believed in taking ownership of our responsibilities. But, sometimes, because we were “in charge,” we had an overblown opinion of our importance to the success of our organization which, among other things, generated ridiculous amounts of unnecessary stress.

We all want to know that we are valuable, that our contributions matter, and that we are making a significant difference with our lives. Everyone has something important to bring to the table and that needs to be celebrated and affirmed. Yet at the same time, if we are honest, the world could actually get along just fine we were suddenly gone.

This is hard for leaders and parents to hear. After a sufficient amount of grieving, people will figure out how to cover our bases and life will go on without us. Of course, we’ll be missed for awhile, but over time our influence, our input, and to a large degree our impact will fade from memory.

This is the human journey.

“We are all needed and we are all dispensable.”

 Onalee Hunter Hughes

Living with the paradox of feeling needed and dispensable helps us keep a sober assessment of ourselves. We realize that somehow the world managed before we were born and though we may be making our mark on it now, humility also sees our footprints on the beach with the tide coming in.

Wisdom is keeping our lives somewhere in the middle of this important paradox all the while feeling grateful for whatever parts we are called on to play. 

These days, we are learning to lead and relate with this freedom: our contribution really does matter AND everything is not up to us.

The same is true for YOU. Your contribution really does matter AND everything is not up to YOU.

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Do You Deserve Better Than This? http://www.youlivetrue.com/do-you-deserve-better-than-this/ http://www.youlivetrue.com/do-you-deserve-better-than-this/#comments Tue, 30 May 2017 23:54:50 +0000 http://www.youlivetrue.com/?p=3692 Some years ago, I found myself working crazy hard, making what felt like near blood sacrifices in all my relationships and responsibilities but getting little appreciation or reward for my effort.  After a...

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Some years ago, I found myself working crazy hard, making what felt like near blood sacrifices in all my relationships and responsibilities but getting little appreciation or reward for my effort.  After a long season of feeling underappreciated a subtle attitude of entitlement crept in.  This entitlement was a significant factor in the worst failure of my life. 

I believed a lie.

I got to thinking,

After all I’ve done here, surely

I deserve better treatment than this!’

Someone once said:

More suffering comes into the world

 by people taking offense than by those giving offense.”

This kind of offense creates a high degree of anger and unhappiness in the world.  And that’s what happened to me.

Without realizing it, I was keeping a subconscious ledger, calculating all the ways I had “given at the office,” served God above and beyond the call of duty, giving up valuable time, energy- whatever, for all the causes and commitments in my life.

If you had asked me, “Are you doing all this for the reward?” I’d have said, “Certainly not.” But I do think I just naturally expected that, after awhile, all that effort would pay off in a currency that somehow made me happier.

My intent was to give and serve people out of my love for God, what I’ve come to see is -part of that serving was about my love for me, what I wanted and thought I deserved.

Every expectation is a resentment waiting to happen.

The parable Jesus teaches in Matthew 20:1-16 has had a lot to teach me about this. There was an owner of a vineyard who hired workers throughout the course of the day – ‪at 6 am; ‪9 am; noon; ‪3 pm; ‪6 pm.  He promised to pay each of them a fair wage.

But at the end of the day, the owner had the foreman pay each worker the same wage regardless of how long they worked.  Those that worked the whole day went nuts protesting, “…we have born the burden of the day… in the day’s heat.”  But the owner just said, “Are you envious because I’m generous?”

This part of the gospel infuriates us- what a rip off! … unless we are the ones that get hired at the end of the day!

There have been multiple times in my life when I felt I had born the burden of the day, in the heat of the day, in my marriage, family, church and extra-local ministry and I just wasn’t getting a fair enough return.

I remember feeling that after all my sacrifice, including for Jesus, my life should be getting easier, but it seemed to get harder. The challenges (some out of my control, some clearly generated by me) just seemed to get bigger and take more out of me.

I felt the older I got the more suffering I experienced. I felt I had a right to less suffering and when this didn’t happen I think I lost hope that this equation would ever balance fair. Eventually, this left me vulnerable to the enemy’s illegitimate offers to even the scale another way.

All of this was the trap of entitlement.

When we allow ourselves to feel entitled over a long period of time, we get bitter. We won’t admit that. We might call it frustration or disappointment. But if we feel bitter long enough it poisons the water table of our heart, and, ultimately, it can destroy a significant part of our life.

So, how do we move from entitlement to acceptance and contentment?

There seem to be 2 primary paths: 

  1. Experience everything that comes your way as an undeserved gift

We had nothing to do with when or how we got here. It’s an outright miracle that we are here at all.

We were born from grace and are sustained by grace each day.  Someone Else, not us, dreamed us up… designed us from the bottom-up… then had us delivered from one world into this world, breathing life into us.

We had nothing to do with things like our frame; heritage; intelligence; gifts and abilities; relational capacity.  And not only that, but we were totally dependent upon others for many years since we couldn’t survive on our own.

Anything I get to experience: the vital air I breathe, the ability to see or enjoy being on the water; to feel the love of my wife and my family; the ability to birth an idea; the circumstances that fall into place allowing me some opportune connection, etc… When I really stop and think about it, almost everything I experience in my life is not something I worked for. It’s all undeserved gift.

“It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.” 

Germany Kent 

Our mindset has to shift if we want to rid ourselves of entitlement.

Unfortunately,

 most of us will have to experience

something deeply painful,

in order for this shift to happen.

  1. Experience profound pain, loss or failure

 It’s only when the rug has been pulled out from under us and we’re lying on our backs on the floor that we finally become open to deep change. Until then we will find countless ways to rationalize our resentment and our claim on entitlement.

Then, at least once in our life, we have to experience a deep gut level, undeserved love, where we don’t merit it… are totally unworthy of it, but somehow get it anyway.  This is what has happened to me.

These days I’m living even more open-handed, seeking to participate with God by not fixating on that ledger sheet or thinking about what I deserve or have a right to.

When we can stop checking the fairness meter we can move from the world of debts owed –the land of rewards and merits- to the scandalous place of grace, where all we need is always free.

  • Do you ever get the feeling that you deserve something more, better or bigger?
  • What do you do when resentment or entitlement begins to creep in?

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Podcast Episode 50- An Interview w/ Paul Young- Part 2 http://www.youlivetrue.com/podcast-episode-50-interview-w-paul-young-part-2/ Wed, 24 May 2017 11:25:04 +0000 http://www.youlivetrue.com/?p=3684 In our interview today, David Loveless continues his conversation with Paul Young. He is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Shack, Cross Roads, and Eve, and the Lies...

The post Podcast Episode 50- An Interview w/ Paul Young- Part 2 appeared first on LIVE TRUE.

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In our interview today, David Loveless continues his conversation with Paul Young. He is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Shack, Cross Roads, and Eve, and the Lies we Believe about God.  His books have sold more than 24 million copies worldwide. A major motion picture of The Shack was released worldwide early in 2017.

Paul Young was born in Canada and raised among a Stone Age tribe by his missionary parents in the highlands of former New Guinea. He suffered great loss as a child and young adult and now enjoys the “wastefulness of grace” with his family in the Pacific Northwest.

Photography by Dotson Studios

In Part 2 of this interview, David talks to Paul about his newest book: Lies We Believe About God: 28 commonly uttered things we say about God as lies that keep us from having a full, loving relationship with our Creator.”

Click the play button above to listen to this episode, that we believe could be a potential turning point in your life.

If you missed Part 1 of this interview, click HERE.

Click on the title of any of Paul’s books you’re interested in

Paul’s Media Sites
website:  wmpaulyoung.com
FB:  theshackofficial
intstagram: wmpaulyoung

The post Podcast Episode 50- An Interview w/ Paul Young- Part 2 appeared first on LIVE TRUE.

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In our interview today, David Loveless continues his conversation with Paul Young. He is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Shack, Cross Roads, and Eve, and the Lies... Paul Young was born in Canada and raised among a Stone Age tribe by his missionary parents in the highlands of former New Guinea. He suffered great loss as a child and young adult and now enjoys the “wastefulness of grace” with his family in the Pacific Northwest.
In Part 2 of this interview, David talks to Paul about his newest book: Lies We Believe About God: 28 commonly uttered things we say about God as lies that keep us from having a full, loving relationship with our Creator.”
Click the play button above to listen to this episode, that we believe could be a potential turning point in your life.

If you missed Part 1 of this interview, click HERE.
Click on the title of any of Paul’s books you’re interested in
The Shack
Eve
Lies We Believe About God
The Cross Roads

Paul’s Media Sites

website:  wmpaulyoung.com

FB:  theshackofficial

intstagram: wmpaulyoung


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Podcast Episode 49- Interview w/ Paul Young: Lies We Believe About God- P 1 http://www.youlivetrue.com/podcast-episode-49-interview-w-paul-young-lies-we-believe-about-god/ Wed, 03 May 2017 20:42:20 +0000 http://www.youlivetrue.com/?p=3674 In our interview today, David Loveless talks with Paul Young. He is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Shack, Cross Roads, and Eve, and the Lies we Believe about God....

The post Podcast Episode 49- Interview w/ Paul Young: Lies We Believe About God- P 1 appeared first on LIVE TRUE.

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In our interview today, David Loveless talks with Paul Young. He is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Shack, Cross Roads, and Eve, and the Lies we Believe about God.  His books have sold more than 24 million copies worldwide. A major motion picture of The Shack was released worldwide early in 2017.

Paul Young was born in Canada and raised among a Stone Age tribe by his missionary parents in the highlands of former New Guinea. He suffered great loss as a child and young adult and now enjoys the “wastefulness of grace” with his family in the Pacific Northwest.

In Part 1 of this interview, David talks to Paul about where he came up with the idea for The Shack and how it reflects his life story.

Then in the interview, David turns his attention to Paul’s newest book: Lies We Believe About God: 28 commonly uttered things we say about God as lies that keep us from having a full, loving relationship with our Creator.”

Click the play button above to listen to this episode, that we believe could be a potential turning point in your life.

Don’t miss Part 2 of David’s interview with Paul Young. 

Click on the title of any of Paul’s books you’re interested in

Paul’s Media Sites
website:  wmpaulyoung.com
FB:  theshackofficial
intstagram: wmpaulyoung

The post Podcast Episode 49- Interview w/ Paul Young: Lies We Believe About God- P 1 appeared first on LIVE TRUE.

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In our interview today, David Loveless talks with Paul Young. He is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Shack, Cross Roads, and Eve, and the Lies we Believe about God.... Paul Young was born in Canada and raised among a Stone Age tribe by his missionary parents in the highlands of former New Guinea. He suffered great loss as a child and young adult and now enjoys the “wastefulness of grace” with his family in the Pacific Northwest.

In Part 1 of this interview, David talks to Paul about where he came up with the idea for The Shack and how it reflects his life story.
Then in the interview, David turns his attention to Paul’s newest book: Lies We Believe About God: 28 commonly uttered things we say about God as lies that keep us from having a full, loving relationship with our Creator.”
Click the play button above to listen to this episode, that we believe could be a potential turning point in your life.
Don’t miss Part 2 of David’s interview with Paul Young. 
Click on the title of any of Paul’s books you’re interested in
The Shack
Eve
Lies We Believe About God
The Cross Roads


Paul’s Media Sites

website:  wmpaulyoung.com

FB:  theshackofficial

intstagram: wmpaulyoung


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Podcast Episode 48- A Top Habit Of Highly Successful People http://www.youlivetrue.com/top-habit-of-highly-successful-people/ Mon, 17 Apr 2017 21:48:59 +0000 http://www.youlivetrue.com/?p=3669 In today’s Podcast Episode, David & Caron Loveless talk about how self-awareness is one of the key attributes of highly successful people. Having self-awareness allows us to grow in the ability to...

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In today’s Podcast Episode, David & Caron Loveless talk about how self-awareness is one of the key attributes of highly successful people. Having self-awareness allows us to grow in the ability to identify what’s working and what isn’t in our lives.

But why do we tend to resist learning about or living in denial of things that aren’t working in our lives?

In today’s podcast, you’ll learn about:

  • The difference between self-awareness VS being self-absorbed
  • How David almost paid $750 for his lack of self-awareness
  • 6 biblical ways we can all further grow in self-awareness
  • The benefits of gaining more self-knowledge

To find out more, listen to this podcast in its entirety by clicking on the above play button.

Ask Us a Question

If you have a question, comment, or thought to share with us,  we’d love to hear from you.  Simply click here: “COMMUNICATE w/ David & Caron.

Subscribe to & Share the Podcast

If you have enjoyed this podcast, you can subscribe by clicking on one of the below buttons:

Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes
Click Here to Subscribe via Stitcher (great Android users or listening on the web)

Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed)

If this podcast has been helpful & you’re thinking of someone else you know that could benefit from it, then click on any of the ‘Share’ buttons below or the one’s located at the top of this post.

FREE Resource: If you’d like a FREE copy of our e-guide on A Tool For Transforming Self-Awareness” click HERE or go to youlivetrue.com/real

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In today’s Podcast Episode, David & Caron Loveless talk about how self-awareness is one of the key attributes of highly successful people. Having self-awareness allows us to grow in the ability to... But why do we tend to resist learning about or living in denial of things that aren’t working in our lives?

In today’s podcast, you’ll learn about:

* The difference between self-awareness VS being self-absorbed


* How David almost paid $750 for his lack of self-awareness


* 6 biblical ways we can all further grow in self-awareness


* The benefits of gaining more self-knowledge

To find out more, listen to this podcast in its entirety by clicking on the above play button.
Ask Us a Question
If you have a question, comment, or thought to share with us,  we’d love to hear from you.  Simply click here: “COMMUNICATE w/ David & Caron.
Subscribe to & Share the Podcast
If you have enjoyed this podcast, you can subscribe by clicking on one of the below buttons:
Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes

Click Here to Subscribe via Stitcher (great Android users or listening on the web)
Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed)
If this podcast has been helpful & you’re thinking of someone else you know that could benefit from it, then click on any of the ‘Share’ buttons below or the one’s located at the top of this post.
FREE Resource: If you’d like a FREE copy of our e-guide on “A Tool For Transforming Self-Awareness” click HERE or go to youlivetrue.com/real
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The Most Important Question To Ask This Easter http://www.youlivetrue.com/important-question-ask-easter/ Fri, 14 Apr 2017 02:12:12 +0000 http://www.youlivetrue.com/?p=3660 The scripture says, two men, that “gleamed like lightning” questioned the women who arrived early in the morning at the tomb of Jesus. (Luke 24) The women had gone to...

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The scripture says, two men, that “gleamed like lightning” questioned the women who arrived early in the morning at the tomb of Jesus. (Luke 24) The women had gone to pay homage to the dead and they stumbled upon a grave robbery as the men asked them, arguably, the most intriguing question of the resurrection 

“Why do you look for the living among the dead? 

It was a puzzling question for the women then and it’s a vital question for us now.

Here are five ways I have looked for life in dead places. See if you identify. 

1) Clinging to the past– whether it’s past hurts or past honors, the past is past. Officially, it is done, dead. Yet, I’ve often looked back hoping there still might be something I need from that time.  It’s a sham. Both my glory days and my gory days are permanently in moth balls. When Lot’s wife turned back, scripture says, she became a pillar of salt. There is no life in yesterday.

The only time that is full of life is now.

“Why do you look for the living in your dead past?” 

2) Buying stuff- whether it’s new shoes, a new car or anything else I can cart home I can trick myself into thinking that initial buzz I get from the purchase is bringing me life. Ok-I get a tiny high – a little race of the heart. Our brains like novelty, at least for a few minutes. But that inanimate object can’t reproduce itself – of itself it is a dead thing.

Buying is a part of our lives but it doesn’t produce life. No matter how much I’ve paid for the shoes or the car or the house or whatever the spark always dies.

“Why do you look for the living among your lifeless possessions?”

3) Ingestible substances– my drug of choice is sugar, primarily in the form of carbs. (Maybe yours is alcohol or crack.) It’s not hard for me to get sucked in by a great chocolate cake or a peanut butter anything. I’m (subconsciously) convinced it’s exactly what I need to get through the next mile.

When I’m in my right mind, I’m aware that I’m numbing my real life, which at that moment, might involve some kind pain. Pain is a sign of life. It notifies us that what we actually need is nurture, care, understanding, and compassion.

” Why do you look for the living in life-sucking substitutes?”

4) Distraction- entertainment, social media, television, and sports are a huge part of modern culture. (Go Cowboys!) Whenever my life feels boring or stagnate, I can tune into someone else’s’.  Certainly, there are elements of life in sports and media, especially if they’re consumed with people I’m actually “doing life with.”

But these days I’m watching for the ways I distract myself from my real life by leeching off someone else’s. Focusing on another’s life in hopes of experiencing our own brings meaninglessness.

           “Why do you look for life among deadening diversions?” 

5) Temptation-The evil one’s only scheme is to so camouflage death that we’re convinced it is life. He makes it taste like, smell like, and, for a brief time, it even feels amazingly life-giving. But it’s smoke and mirrors. Beautiful, scheming, near perfect lies that -in the end -bite like no hell you can imagine.

How can you tell the difference? Death doesn’t shout, it whispers. And it says things like, “Just this once.” “No one has to know.” “No one will get hurt.” “You won’t get burned.” “You owe it to yourself.  “You deserve…”  “Why not?”  “You know you’re strong enough to…”  “Well, maybe just a little.”  Some hiding, or compromise or secret will always be involved. At first, it will look and feel good- like life. But, it’s a total hoax. And, regrettably, sometimes we have to experience the sting of death for ourselves before we can know we’ve been had.

” Why do you look for your life in the counterfeit?”

During this season of remembering and celebrating the resurrection life of Jesus, one way to honor him might be to take stock of this thing you call “your life.” Where might you be seeking truth in false places or light in the darkness?

Can you allow God’s Spirit to compassionately show you what’s not really working for you, what’s not helpful, not healthy, not truly life-giving to you and the ones you love and serve?

“In (Jesus) was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”  

 John 1 

“I set before you life and prosperity, death and destruction…

now choose life, 

so that you and your children may live

 and that you may love the Lord your God, 

listen to his voice and hold fast to him. 

For the Lord is your life…”       

  Deuteronomy 30

 

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Podcast Episode 47- How To Take What The Wind Hands You http://www.youlivetrue.com/podcast-episode-47-take-wind-hands/ Tue, 04 Apr 2017 21:37:15 +0000 http://www.youlivetrue.com/?p=3654 Every happy sailor knows “how to take what the wind hands you” and say YES to it.  If you don’t, you suffer because of it. Over the years, I’ve gotten...

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Every happy sailor knows “how to take what the wind hands you” and say YES to it.  If you don’t, you suffer because of it. Over the years, I’ve gotten to do a lot of sailing on the ocean, often for days at a time. More often than not, during the journey, the wind would shift multiple times, both in its direction as well as its velocity.

This happens in our lives, doesn’t it?  We plan our day… our week… our work… our relational world a certain way, and then all of a sudden, there is either a small shift or sometimes, a seismic shift in the direction that we thought our lives were going to go.

What do we do then?

In today’s podcast, I’ll be talking about the shift I’ve been learning of starting the day with a YES versus a NO.  This concept from the life of Jesus, in Matthew 26, can significantly move one’s life from constantly suffering, when you don’t have control over everything, to more regularly experiencing happiness and goodness- no matter what the circumstances.

Click on the above “Play” button, if you’d like further liberation in your daily life.

Resources:

If you’d be interested in David and/or Caron Loveless speaking at your next event, then CLICK HERE for more information.

The post Podcast Episode 47- How To Take What The Wind Hands You appeared first on LIVE TRUE.

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Every happy sailor knows “how to take what the wind hands you” and say YES to it.  If you don’t, you suffer because of it. Over the years, I’ve gotten... This happens in our lives, doesn’t it?  We plan our day… our week… our work… our relational world a certain way, and then all of a sudden, there is either a small shift or sometimes, a seismic shift in the direction that we thought our lives were going to go.
What do we do then?

In today’s podcast, I’ll be talking about the shift I’ve been learning of starting the day with a YES versus a NO.  This concept from the life of Jesus, in Matthew 26, can significantly move one’s life from constantly suffering, when you don’t have control over everything, to more regularly experiencing happiness and goodness- no matter what the circumstances.
Click on the above “Play” button, if you’d like further liberation in your daily life.
Resources:
If you’d be interested in David and/or Caron Loveless speaking at your next event, then CLICK HERE for more information.
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3 Secret Reasons You Feel Stressed http://www.youlivetrue.com/3-reasons-get-stressed/ Tue, 28 Mar 2017 21:49:22 +0000 http://www.youlivetrue.com/?p=3647 We feel stressed, most often, by our need to control our circumstances, not by circumstances getting beyond our control. For much of my life, I believed my work, my kids,...

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We feel stressed, most often, by our need to control our circumstances, not by circumstances getting beyond our control.

For much of my life, I believed my work, my kids, the traffic, my calendar, my husband, my relatives, my neighbors, my house, or my friends caused most of the stress I carried. I thought pressure and strain were normal especially if you were out to champion eternal causes, make a decent living, raise amazing children and try to do some good in the world. Stress just comes with the territory.

Then I began learning some little-known secrets that led me to a new level of calm.

They have nothing to do with time management, positive affirmations, meditation, breathing techniques or even prayer as helpful as all those can be to reduce tension.

The truth was, much of the time, I was stressing myself out.

I was creating the conditions that contributed to my own exhaustion. I had become my own little stress-making machine.

And there’s a high probability you do this, too.

Here’s what I learned about three kinds of hidden stress:

1) Shame based stress

We create this kind of stress when our ego has a strong need to be well thought of or to feel the approval of certain important people in our lives. In the case of speakers, politicians, and artists of every kind that could include needing some admiration from the entire world -which takes a big hunk of energy to pull off.

We might need to be known in a successful light, as a real mover and shaker, so we create projects and initiatives to cause people to go “hey look at him/her/them!” We stress ourselves out because of our need to be noticed.

We might say it’s our “calling” to do such and such so it’s easy to put the blame “out there,” even on God, if we over do it or ask too much of ourselves and others.

We might be an overly helpful person or we fight for situations that keep us in the spotlight. Sometimes we deny ourselves the rest we need in order to prove ourselves to our boss or a special friend or family member.

We may have a hard time telling people no so we stress ourselves out by saying yes too much. We feel dejected at the failure of something we’ve worked hard on so we “try even harder” to look good.

At our core, those of us with shame based stress often feel WE ARE NOT ENOUGH, on some level just not good enough, and subconsciously we try to make up for our “lack,” or cover our secret shame by doing whatever it takes to appear super successful, talented, beautiful, smart, loving or helpful.

We act in whatever way necessary to prove to people and to ourselves that we are really ok. In an unhealthy state, we stress ourselves out trying to look good to others.

2) Fear based stress

We create this stress when we fear WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH, and we need more of something in order to feel safe.

The operative word with this stress is more.

This could mean we work harder than others to acquire MORE money. But no matter how much we have it never feels like we have enough stashed for emergencies or retirement.

We might stay in school longer than most to gain more and more education because we can never have enough knowledge to do our job well.

We might collect more “toys” or any number of other material possessions– at times, there can be an almost addictive, stressful pattern of acquiring. Maybe there’s an obsessive hobby.

It it could be more travel, “adventure” or escapes might be our agenda all in hopes of avoiding unhappy feelings or burdensome situations. You get stressed or depressed if these getaways aren’t happening.

Sometimes we feel an insatiable, anxious need to make and keep a large assortment of friends.

When we’re living with fear-based stress there is always some kind of anxiety of not having enough of something. And, in an effort to feel safer, more secure in the world we stress ourselves out trying to obtain it.

3) Guilt based stress

This stress creates a lot of critical self-talk like ” I’m behind before I’ve even started.” It’s about living from an internal, pre-recorded “script” that says, ” better not waste time” ” you are what you do” or it tries to disprove a negative comment someone once said, like, “you’ll never amount to anything.”

So, we’ll show them! And in the process, we might visit the emergency room with chest pains every year because we’re trapped in guilt based stress.

We may feel deeply about so much injustice in the world that we super identify with our cause and end up sacrificing the health of key relationships. Guilt based stress comes from the notion we picked up somewhere in childhood that WE HAVE NOT DONE ENOUGH.    

Always there’s a little voice inside us reminding us, just in case we’ve forgotten that there is so much more to fix and make right in the world, no time to waste.  

So, what’s stressing you out?

Is it really someone else or something else causing you all this tension and pain?

Or are you creating many of your own headaches?

We all have issues with each of these three stressors at different times. But, usually, there is one that hits us below the belt and does most of the stressing, one primary script that keeps us desperate, anxious or burned out.

Take a few minutes to reflect on your own stressful tendencies and what they are really producing in your life.

  • Which stress path do you most identify with?

1) Shame 2) Fear 3) Guilt? How does this most often show up in your life?

  • Who are you most often trying to impress? Who are you competing against? 
  • What are you most often afraid of losing or needing more of? 
  • How is your drive to get stuff done, to be perfect or challenging affecting your most important relationships 
  • Who or what else have you been blaming for your stressful condition?

Sit a few minutes in silence and notice where your body feels stress and, without judging yourself, inquire where that tension might originate from. How has your body tried to signal you about the stress you carry?

Learning how and where I was generating my own stressful tendencies was a life-defining game changer for me. By questioning my thoughts and actions and observing my inner critic I’m more able to see how I’m making my life more difficult than necessary for myself and others.

Let us help you gain more personal freedom, fulfillment, and relief from your own self-sabotage. We’ve got some great tools that can make all the difference.

Email us for a consultation at david@youlivetrue.com or ‪caron@youlivetrue.com.

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Releasing Control Of Your Suffering http://www.youlivetrue.com/3643-2/ http://www.youlivetrue.com/3643-2/#comments Wed, 22 Mar 2017 23:38:37 +0000 http://www.youlivetrue.com/?p=3643 In our story, David and I both had seasons when we refused to accept circumstances that were beyond our control. The result of our inability to surrender to “necessary suffering”...

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In our story, David and I both had seasons when we refused to accept circumstances that were beyond our control. The result of our inability to surrender to “necessary suffering” brought even greater suffering at a level we never thought possible. 

Our second suffering could have been avoided but it required acceptance of situations that, at the time, we were convinced needed to be different.

When we fight circumstances that are beyond our control we are setting ourselves up for compounded heartache, loss & horrendous regrets.

Say, circumstances require you to start a budget. It feels painful, to give up spending as you wish. But a greater & unnecessary suffering would be to keep spending beyond your means, fall into bankruptcy, lose everything, have to move in with friends which then puts such strain on your relationship that it never fully recovers after you move out.  

Many addictions are the result of people trying to avoid that first place of difficulty. The suffering that comes from addiction is then spread to everyone in relationship with the addict.

If we had accepted the first suffering – the second would never have happened. 

What are you pushing against, fighting, resisting, refusing to let be?

The problem comes when we believe all our fighting against something we don’t want will actually change the outcome. 

The pain required to surrender to things beyond our control becomes small compared to the unnecessary suffering that happens as a result of needing the world to conform to our expectations. Save yourself unnecessary suffering in the future by releasing your need to control/ change/ fix the unpleasant/ unwanted situation you’re in today.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

the courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

(Francis of Assisi )

FREE Resources to help you on this topic and others:

If you haven’t already received our FREE ebook “Leading From A Healthy Soul,” you can get your copy by clicking HERE. Whether you’re leading your kids, home, business, team, or ministry, this FREE resource that we’ve written, can help you better understand what may be sabotaging your best efforts.  Get you copy today.

Here is a link to a recent podcast where we interviewed world-renowned Spiritual Leader & Teacher: Richard Rohr.  Have a listen:  http://wp.me/p5JmOl-Wr

 

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