By David & Caron Loveless
Even though you have thousands of them every day you are not your thoughts. And the more you can learn to observe and question your thoughts the healthier and more successful you will become.
Here are ten negative thinking patterns we are trying to be intentionally aware of before they erode our personal relationships, work environment or sour our soul.
1) Judgments
When we pronounce judgments on ourselves, others or negative situations we close down our options for healthy, objective interaction. Making judgments limits the possibility for other perspectives. Judging involves measuring, labeling and separating ourselves from others. Because we are so used to doing it, sometimes we mistake observation for judgment.
An observation is, “He has long hair” where judgment sounds like, “His hair is too long.” “The chair is green” -observation. “That chair is ugly” -judgment.
2) Exaggerating
Overemphasizing the risks or negatives in a person or situation might be an issue for us if we deal with anxiety. It may be a way for us to defend or protect ourselves. We minimize the probability that everything will turn out okay or we might downplay the positives of a situation. “I always screw things up.” “You never have anything good to say.”
Could you learn to value and include someone else’s opinion of the same issue to better balance your tendency to exaggerate the bad? Can you focus less on the small stuff and look more at the big picture?
3) Either/Or
Black and white thinking leaves no room for a “third way” of seeing or doing something. It’s all or nothing thinking and it is the cause of wars, feuds, and rifts of every kind. No person or group is all of anything. People are a mixture of good choices and poor choices. But either/or thinking has decided, ” They are all good or they are all bad.” “They are all wrong or they all right.”
Learn to see people and situations on a continuum. Make way for a third possibility that holds both the good and the bad, the wrong and right together in a more honest perspective.
4) Emotional Reasoning
This is when we feel bad so everything must be bad. “I feel anxious so I must be in danger.” This is over-thinking driven by our emotions. Remember that a feeling only comes after a thought. Negative feelings are reactions to negative thoughts we are having. Watch for times your emotions color the facts.
5) Mind-Reading
How many times have you assumed you already knew what someone else was thinking? Maybe you just knew for sure they were intentionally doing something to undermine you. Then you found out later it wasn’t like that at all. Mind-reading is when we try to figure out a conversation or situation by projecting our own thoughts on to someone else.
Work on asking people “What are your thoughts about this,” instead of insisting you know exactly what they’re thinking.
6) Predicting
This is believing we know for sure what is going to happen in the future.“I know I’m not going to get that raise.” “I know I’m never going to get married.” “My child is never going to amount to anything.”
Instead of predicting try asking yourself ” Do I know for sure that is absolutely true?”
7) Mental Filtering
This is when we notice only what our mental filter allows us to see. We strain out anything else that doesn’t fit the way we see a person or situation in our mind. Often, we are filtering out other positive attributes or outcomes. This may be based on a previous experience. But that previous experience is probably nothing like the current one.
How can you challenge yourself to see more of the possibilities, especially the positive ones?
8) Compare & despair
We all do this to our own peril. Comparing what we believe are our negative features against someone else’s positive ones. This rarely goes anywhere good. We could also call this limiting self-belief.
Can you widen your positive view of yourself and take on a more balanced look at others?
9) Self-critical
Putting ourselves down, blaming ourselves for things we may not have had anything ( or very much) to do with. Self-condemnation is crippling. Some people say it makes them better. We think it makes us bitter and it leads to being overly critical of others.
Practice relaxing your negative self-talk and give yourself the same grace and slack you would give a close friend. How can you be a better more compassionate friend to yourself?
10) Triggers
This happens when a current situation reminds us of a previous emotional or traumatic event and, in our minds, we connect the two. Depending on the severity of the event this triggering thought can go from disturbing to debilitating. Try to remind yourself that that tough, scary, anxiety-producing situation is in the past. It is not happening again right now.
Sometimes we can stop the trigger by focusing on our breathing for a few minutes. Our brains can only focus on one thing at a time. When you focus on your breathing the trigger will start to lose its power and intensity.
Romans 12:2 Encourages us to always be “renewing our mind.”
Here’s a simple way you can practice that right now:
1) Choose one of the negative thinking patterns above that most often trips you up
2) Write down at least one thing you plan to do the next time this pattern emerges again and keep it where you can readily see it. Make a check mark on that note each time you notice this pattern happening and do something constructive to counteract it. Just noticing will go a long way toward reducing it.
Additional Resources:
Don’t miss the new season of our Live True Podcast. The second episode releases this week. We’ll be having an in-depth conversation around this blog, including how you can overcome unhelpful thought patterns and create healthier ones.
Also, if you, your marriage, or your team could you some objective, outside help we would love the opportunity to support you through our coaching, consulting or speaking at your next event. We’re passionate about helping you live, love, and lead from a healthy soul. For more info, contact us by CLICKING HERE.
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