I was standing in the lobby of our church one Sunday morning feeling spent but pretty satisfied after teaching my heart out in multiple weekend services. People were walking by, being generous with their comments about my message and I was grateful that it seemed I hit the target I was after. Then a guy walks up and says,
“ Good message today pastor, but did you get a chance to hear
Joel Osteen on tv last night? Now THAT boy can preach!”
You can imagine that feedback put the joy of Jesus in me.
Today is Mastering Mondays where we tackle an issue that could make a substantial difference in the way you lead and love others.
Whether you’re coaching your staff, a volunteer team or making constructive comments to a friend or family member here are eight things I try to keep in mind when it comes to offering feedback.
1) Check the clock: Is this the best time for this person or group to hear your observations? You may have some really great thoughts to offer but if the timing is off they won’t hear a thing you have to say.
What’s the best time for this person?
2) Take your temperature: Avoid giving feedback when you’re angry. There’s no way you can come across objective or communicate in a tone that will be helpful or memorable. Cool down first. Wait at least 24 hrs if you’re feeling hot under the collar.
And, whatever you do, don’t fire off a terse email. (That has always come back to bite me.)
3) Know their personality style(s). The more you understand what drives and motivates the person you’re trying to advise the better connection they will make with your comments. Each personality style reacts in a unique way to criticism.
Some thrive on it. Some can only see it as a full on personal attack. When you know their Enneagram Personality Style you are better equipped to tailor your approach in a way that will be the most beneficial and effective.
(*Do you know the nine unique Enneagram styles? Click here for more information about bringing our” LiveTrue Personality & Relational Styles Workshop” to your office or group.)
4) Question your motive. Why is giving feedback at this time to this person so important to you? Maybe it’s part of your job description or you may realize you have another agenda.
5) Who is the best person to give this feedback? Maybe it’s you. Maybe there is someone else who is better situated or suited to comment on the situation. Be open to the thought that you aren’t the best person for the job. Are you seen as the person in authority to offer this feedback?
6) Who’s asking? Unless it’s a scheduled job performance review, or the person has asked for your comments, hold your tongue. Uninvited negative feedback is asking for conflict and friction.
7) Know yourself. If you are easily offended by criticism you may soft pedal what really needs to be said to someone. On the other hand, if you are generally insensitive to criticism you may be oblivious to how your direct delivery is crushing the person you are trying to help.
Get a good handle on how you receive feedback and adjust your approach to compensate for
your strengths and weaknesses in empathy for your listener.
8) Go in asking questions. Before bringing in your comments, suggestions or expert, sage advice ask questions like:
* How do you think you’re doing these days? On a scale of 1-10 where would you put your attitude, performance, teamwork, etc?
* What do you like most about what you do here?
* Where have you felt most supported? Where could you use more support?
* Who do you best relate to on our staff and why?
* What improvements would you like to suggest for me &/or our team that would make the overall working experience/goal we’re trying to accomplish even better for you?
There will always be defensiveness and hurt feelings when we offer feedback to some people.
It’s our job as leaders to attempt as much as possible to understand and balance
the need for improvement with the heart of the individual.
If you could use some “fresh eyes” on your staff or team, business or ministry contact us. We offer three plus decades of experience in leading at every level. CONTACT US @youlivetrue.com for a FREE CONSULTATION.
You can reach me at [email protected]
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Thank you for sharing this, Pastor David. Hopefully, this blog will help me better evaluate my thoughts before conveying them….keeping in mind, that, at times, silence is golden. God bless you.