Why is saying we’re sorry; asking forgiveness; admitting we’re wrong, so painfully difficult?
Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.” You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.
* A defended ego makes it difficult to apologize. Our ego fears vulnerability because somewhere we learned this is a sign of weakness. We have trouble separating our actions from our True Self.
We think…
Being Wrong = Being Stupid
We believe WHAT WE DO is inseparable from WHO WE ARE.
Note to self: This is an error message.
* When it’s hard for us to apologize our focus is on serious personal loss instead of a significant gain for the relationship. As someone very wise once said:
Apologizing means
we value the relationship
more than our ego.
An apology is like bringing a cure to a momentary sick or broken relationship- it recreates oneness and healing.
* We fear opening up and admitting a fault because we think it will be too traumatic. But, if we can learn to take the focus off of our freaked out, traumatized self and put it squarely on the future health and value of the relationship with a person we love and care about or share a cubical with, there will be a WIN /WIN for both parties.
* For other people, admitting they are wrong feels like it would diminish them… shrink what they perceive as an already tiny person inside to complete oblivion.
* Sometimes it’s difficult to apologize when we live by the motto “Winning is everything.” When we’re super competitive, saying ‘I’m sorry’ means the other person wins and we’re “forfeiting.”
* Another time it’s hard to apologize is when we feel saying we’re sorry will exempt the other person from owning their part of the blame.
What do we do if we’re convinced we deserve an apology but the other person won’t budge?
- Always look in ourselves first- ( “see if there is any offensive way in me…” Psalm 139)
- Remember that the best relationships are always about making things right instead of being right.
- Release them from the debt you feel they owe you, because of the debt someone else released you from, when you owed.
Luke 23:34 “…Father forgive them for they know not what they’re doing.”
What are the best words for us to use in giving an apology?
“I was wrong.” (then get very specific in how you wronged someone.) Then is taking ownership and responsibility for what you did.
Then follow it up with: “Please forgive me.” Confession and asking forgiveness is what begins to bring renewed healing.
James 5:16 “Confess your faults to one another so that you may be healed.”
What about when horrific offenses have occurred? Listen to the podcast to hear the example of our story in recent years.
How can we teach our kids to apologize? Show don’t tell. Model the life you are praying they will lead. Be quick to apologize to them.
Is there someone you haven’t spoken to for months—or years — ?
What should be done about it?
Remember the inevitable: Relationships break. All of them do at some point.
Remember the ultimate goal when there’s a break: do WHATEVER it takes to repair the breach in the relationship.
To find out more, listen to this podcast in its entirety by clicking on the play button.
Join the Conversation
Our favorite part of doing these podcasts is participating in the conversation they provoke. Each week, we’ll ask one question. This week, it is this:
Question: “What do you find to be difficult about asking someone to forgive you?”
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