Category Archives: Life storms

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Nothing to Prove: Chapter 2: What We Know Now

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The following is an excerpt from our new ebook that is available beginning today.  This book is a a very candid, behind the scenes look, at the journey of transformation that we’ve been on the last several years, and the things we’ve learned that can help change your life as well.

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Chapter 2:  What We Know Now

 

You can never be other than who you are

until you are willing to embrace the reality of who you are.

David Benner

You don’t have to experience a tragedy like ours, or any other failure with a thousand different names, in order to identify the real root of your own internal issues. We hope it won’t come to that. Our purpose in writing this book is to help you avoid some of the ditches in your future if at all possible. Unfortunately, for many of us it often does take a serious trial, illness or loss to break us open enough to see parts of our life that aren’t working so well.

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The Unexpected Path to Humility

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I am always surprised when I meet a truly humble person – first, because it is such a rare event. But, what I’ve noticed just getting around them is I feel instantly drawn in. Maybe, this is because, for a few minutes, at least, their calming presence convinces me to release my constant, unconscious vigil to convince everyone I am a wonderful, capable and very special person.

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Maybe, I feel comfortable with humble people because they seem so ordinary, like they have nothing to prove and no desire to compete with me in some life defining turf war.  They just seem so comfortable within themselves. Maybe this is why they seem so strange to us! Who do you know that is truly content within themselves?

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LT Podcast 5 – Perfectly Positioned (with guest Francis Anfuso)

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To listen to today’s podcast, simply click on the “play” button on the podcast player above OR if you’ve already subscribed to “The Live True Podcast” then the episode can be accessed through either your Apple or Android device, in your podcast app.

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Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.”  You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

Perfectly Positioned:  An interview with Francis Anfuso

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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An Open Letter to My Wife, to God, & to You

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phontoIf you don’t mind my getting a little personal… or even if you do mind, I’m going to anyway.  Let me get personal about me and my story… and then I want to get personal about you and your story.

I’ve got something extraordinary to celebrate.  

Caron and I are celebrating our 40th Wedding Anniversary this week.  Under any circumstances, this would feel like an extraordinary thing to celebrate.  40 years of doing anything doesn’t happen that often.

 

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But as you know, under our circumstances, it’s a sign and a wonder.  It’s a miracle of miracles.

Almost 2 1/2 years ago when I woke up my wife one morning, to confess to her the worst failure of my life, that had happened more than several years earlier, I watched what had been a fabulous marriage for both of us, descend into a depth of hell, that there is not adequate enough language to describe.

Because of the massive pain it brought to Caron… and the massive disorientation it brought to her and our family… as well as the public humiliation that ensued, I would have never predicted we would be where we are today.  I believed in miracles… and had participated in many over the years, but this was in another miracle galaxy that I wasn’t sure we could reach.

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47 Quotes That Will Change Your Life

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IMG_1967True confession: I’m a quote hoarder.

I underline, dog-ear, highlight, copy and paste other people’s wisdom several times a day. I keep 3×5 cards in my purse and scribble quotes in the dark at the movies. I say, “Ooooh that’s a good one.”  A lot.

And I’ve been doing this for years.

So, today, I’m sharing just a sliver of the insight, advise and sayings that have caught my eye, grabbed my heart and challenged me to grow. They are changing me. And I hope these ancient/modern musings make you stop and think or reevaluate your own view of things and, like they have for me, may they give you a little more juice for your journey of living, loving and leading.

What I want you to know: 

* It caused me great pain (no torture) to limit this to merely 47.  

*Quotes appear in no certain order.  They are ALL my favorites.

*Just because I quote someone it doesn’t mean I agree with every single thing they have ever written or what they believe. (Heck, I can’t recall ever agreeing with everything ANYONE has ever said.) I like the adage, “Chew the meat and spit out the bones.”

*All truth is God’s Truth no matter who presents it.  I draw from all kinds of sources that resonate with my own life experience or with the Spirit in me. I want to be able to learn from anyone.

* Pick one quote to pass on or to tape to your bathroom mirror. 

*Read slow and… savor.

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1) The longer one stays in flight from reality, the more painful will be the landing.

Taite Adams

 

2) Your task is not to seek for love but to merely find the barriers within yourself that you have built up against it.

    Rumi

 

3) The thing about denial is that it doesn’t feel like denial when it’s going on. 

    Georgina Kleege

 

4) We become whomever we trust the most says we are.

     Bob Goff

 

5) I was born, when all I once feared, I could love.

    Rabia

 

6) Where is the Life we lost in living? 

    T.S.Eliot

 

7) We have all laid the best plans for our children, and then they go out and ruin it all by growing up any way they want to.

   Kristina Riggle

 

8) The way we treat people we disagree with most is a report card on what we’ve learned about love. 

    Bob Goff

 

9) In prosperity our friends know us. In adversity, we know our friends.

G.K. Chesterton

 

10) For although God is right with us and in us and out of us and all through us, we have to go on journeys to find him.

Thomas Merton

 

 11) When I believed my thoughts I suffered.

       Byron Katie

 

12) It’s all that pretending to be perfect that breeds inauthenticity in the church.

       Rich Mullins

 

13) All paths do not lead to God. But God will meet you on whatever path you’re on.

      Unknown

 

14) You can either practice being right or practice being kind.

Anne Lamott

 

15) Sin never introduces itself to us as pain.

      David Loveless

 

16) The lesson that has been hardest for me to learn: there is nothing to prove. 

      Rob Bell

 

17) You have power over your mind- not over outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. 

     Marcus Aurelius

 

18) You need to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes every day. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on your mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control. 

     Elizabeth Gilbert

 

19) Sometimes, to be happy in the present moment, you have to be willing to give up hope for a better past.

   Robert Holden

 

20) One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.

     Bob Marley

 

21) Sometimes, in life, nothing happens. But, sometimes, nothing happens beautifully.

      Colum McCann

 

22) When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God.

     Charles Allen

 

23) We find it hard to love imperfect things so we imagine God is just as small as we are. If we expect or need things to be perfect or to our liking ( including ourselves) we have created a certain path for a very unhappy life.

    Richard Rohr

 

24) We are shaped by what we love.

      Goethe

 

25) Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

      Jessica Howell

 

26) The impeded stream is the one that sings.

Wendell Berry

 

27) No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.

      Randy Pausch

 

28) Love is the absence of judgement.

      Dali Lama XIV

 

29) I was changing my outfits, my looks, my wig, sometimes several times a day. That’s when I know my soul is restless. 

     Lady Gaga

 

30) Sin is unwillingness to trust that what God wants for me is only my deepest happiness.

Ignatius of Loyola

 

31) There are three things we have to let go of. The first is the compulsion to be successful. Second, is the compulsion to be right—especially theologically right. (That’s merely an ego trip, and because of this “need” churches split in half, with both parties prisoners of their own egos.) Finally, there is the compulsion to be powerful, to have everything under control.

    Richard Rohr

 

32) The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find out the ones worth suffering for.

  Bob Marley

 

33) The way you measure the difference between being blessed or being spoiled is the degree to which you feel entitled to it. 

    Mike Breen

 

34) Be with those who help your being.

    Rumi

 

35) I will learn to love the skies I’m under

      Mumford & Sons

 

36) Someone’s therapist knows all about you.

       Dominic Riccitello

 

37) None of your sins survived the cross. 

Clark Whitten

 

38) You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep Spring from coming.

       Pablo Neruda

 

39) How will you know if you are at the end of your journey if you take the road to another man’s city?

      Thomas Merton

 

40) He has great tranquility of heart who cares for neither the praises or the fault-finding of men. You are not holier if you are praised, nor more worthless if you are found fault with. What you are, that you are. And no human opinion can alter who you are in the sight of God. 

Thomas ‘a Kempis

 

41) It’s never about “them.”

      Byron Katie

 

42) If you don’t love the life God has given you then you’re not seeing the love God has for you. 

Francis Anfuso

 

43) Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.

      Carl Jung

 

44) Suffering is a privilege. It moves us toward thinking of essential things and shakes us out of complacency. Calamity cracks you open, moves you to change your ways. 

Pico Iyer

 

45) Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to help mom do the dishes.  

Unknown

 

46) If you do not transform your wounds you will transmit them. 

Richard Rohr

 

47) Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. 

    Thomas ‘a Kempis

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48) BONUS Freebie! 

Whatever comes, God comes with it.

Caron Chandler Loveless

 

 

You can reach me at [email protected]

***And THANKS FOR SHARING THIS BLOG with someone you think may be interested.

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Seven Habits of Highly Gracious People

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imageSeveral years ago, I was honored to share the platform at a “Better Man” event with Kennan Burch. It was there I first heard his captivating story and a powerful metaphor that has encouraged me so many times over the last few years.

Kennan has since become a good friend and I recently asked him to tell his story again, as a guest blogger, for you, our LiveTrue subscribers. As you read this, I pray you discover a greater grace for yourself and others.

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“One morning I journaled my way into a huge discovery that has changed my thinking forever. It was a discovery that I had a mindset that worked very much like a hockey penalty box. However, mine was not a visible or physical penalty box, it’s an emotional one.

 So there I was in this place of isolation, doing penance.

Back then, this is the way my mind worked. Any time I “goofed up” I would go into this internal place of isolation until I did my atonement and then finally coming out again after I felt that I had done enough.

While I was in this place of emotional isolation, I was still actively engaged with people socially, but privately there was an emotional barrier between us. Above all else I needed to emotionally hide from them.

Seemingly, the worse thing that could happen to me was to let them know I didn’t have control over my stuff. Exposing any failure or loss of control could be devastating.

Why was I doing this? Well, for some reason it just seemed to make sense. If I could demonstrate to God that I was sorry for my infraction, and I could rebuke myself enough, then maybe He wouldn’t have to expose me, or judge me in front of others. I punished myself so He wouldn’t have to.

Here’s what I finally realized.

If I’m in the penalty box, I’m cut off from the only thing that gives freedom.

True life.

And that’s God’s unconditional love. His amazing grace. It’s like cutting off the oxygen to my soul.

 

Can you relate to this idea? Have you ever been in the penalty box? Do you know someone who is in the penalty box?

Is this the plan of a loving God? Or, the plan of an archenemy designed to keep God’s people completely ineffective. Well, here’s what I now know:

The Seven Habits of Highly Gracious People

 Habit 1:  Allow God to love me even in my imperfections

If a person suffers from the Penalty Box mentality, one of the hardest things to do is to allow God to love them, even in their imperfections.  They beat themselves up for their imperfections and somehow believe that God is beating them up too.  Why?  They deserve it.

They aren’t performing to the standards they know they should.  But this is where the journey begins.  This is is the crux of grace.  Grace is unmerited favor, not based on performance, or doing anything at all.

Habit 2:  Have the Freedom to say “No”

Did you know that guilt and grace are opposite, mutually exclusive emotions?  They cannot occupy the same mind-space at the same time.  So, if I am experiencing guilt, I am not experiencing grace.  And vice versa.  People with the Penalty Box mindset do not like disappointing people.   They tend to feel guilty if they say “no” to others demands and agendas for their lives.

They tend to be “guilted” into a lot of activity they ordinary would not say “yes” to.  So, if a person is to experience grace, they need to have the freedom to say “no” to others’ demands and agendas for their lives.

Habit 3:  Have the Freedom to Express your Innermost Thoughts

We all have bad thoughts.  They come and go.  We all would be appalled if someone else could really see and hear what we are thinking.

A person with very high standards may be appalled by their own thoughts.

If they entertain them, and indulge in them, they tend to go into the Penalty Box.  Or, they may simply decide to stuff or ingnore them, and pretend they do not exist.   Either choice isn’t good.

Stuffing thoughts and pretending they don’t exist carries it’s own problems and issues.

 

We can know we are experiencing grace, when we have the freedom

to express our innermost thoughts appropriately without fear of judgment.

 Habit 4:  Feel God’s Love and Forgiveness

When looking at our life’s shortcomings and major infractions, we all have a tendency to think “well, I deserve to feel guilty for this one.”   The “big ones” I mean.  The ones that you really never want anyone else to know about.

If I believe that, then I’m basically saying this, “God you didn’t pay enough for this one.  Your son’s death on the cross was not enough for this one.  I’m going to have to pay for it.”

What does God have to do?  Does he have to send another son?  Do you seriously think you’ve done something that he cannot forgive?   So, if a person is going to experience grace, they needs to feel God’s love and forgiveness throughout their entire body, holding no guilt back – even for big ones.

 Habit 5:  Forgive Others of All Wrong and Remove all Blame

If am to experience grace, the Lord’s Prayer says to “forgive us of our trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.”  It’s almost as if God wants to use my heart as a conduit for his love to other people.

But, if I don’t forgive someone, or if I place blame upon someone, then it’s almost like I shut off the flow of grace. If I’m not showing it to others then I’m not receiving any myself.  So, if I want to experience God’s grace I need to forgive others of all wrong a remove all blame.

Habit 6:  Be Open About My Faults (Don’t Wear a Mask)

Hiding is one the defense mechanisms of the Penalty Box mentality.   The internal mantra is, “above all else I must not let others see my faults.”  The tendency is to hide all imperfections and constantly wear a mask.

But if we always wear a mask, then only the mask gets loved. 

And, the fear of taking the mask off gets greater over time as the cavern between the public person and the private person gets bigger.  But, if I am to experience grace, I need to be open about my faults with myself and other safe people.

Habit 7:   Share God’s Grace with Others   

One of the greatest ways to experience more grace is to give it away.

The more grace a person shares with others the more their reservoir will keep being refilled.

Kennan Burch is the Founder of Brand Catalyst.  He is a branding expert and master facilitator.  He spent 20 years at Darden Company and then launched Brand Catalyst Partners in March 2008.  He is also Founder of Dream Builders, a network that provides encouragement, group mentorship, and creative resources to help men pursue their God-given dreams.

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.brandcatalystpartners.com

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What I’ve Learned In The Desert

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I’ve spent some time in the desert. 

One August friends loaned us their home in Palm Desert. Daily temperatures were around 114 degrees. When I went looking for a tennis partner I was told no one played past 11:00am. Just breathing was a chore in that kind of heat. We drove up into the mountains nearby and as far as you could see the land was brittle, barren and forbidding. I think all we did that trip was sit in the pool.

I’ve spent time in gardens, too.

A few weeks ago, Caron and I went to a little town in north Florida and spent a day biking through some of the most beautiful landscape we’d seen in awhile.  Giant, moss-draped oaks lined the streets.

Deep shade kept us cool in the heat of the day. Everywhere you looked there were flowers and miles and miles of lush coastal marshes.  Just a few hours there and we felt refreshed and renewed. 

All relationships and leadership seem to flow on a continuum

between garden and desert experiences. 

It’s interesting to me that our spiritual story begins in a garden in Genesis 1… and our biological story begins in a garden-like womb. Everything we need to thrive and grow is there.  We are fully provided for.

But, look where we’re first introduced to the ministry of Jesus ––in the desert.  God’s Good News Tour doesn’t open on top of a scenic mountain or in a palatial garden.

It starts from a place of isolated emptiness. 

In the beginning of John’s gospel a voice called people to the desert.  The desert is a deeply evocative place in the scriptures, because we’ve been there, metaphorically, in our own lives.  In the Old Testament the desert speaks of leaving, losing, wandering, struggle and preparation. And it’s where people first hear the promise of a promise land… the promise of a messiah

Years ago, after decades of what felt to me like relentless sacrifice in loving and leading, I got increasingly resentful whenever I was forced into “desert time.”  I didn’t deserve to be there. I had worked so hard to get to the “promise land.”

I never said it, but I know I felt that after all I’d done,

I didn’t  deserve ‘no man’s land.’

Know what I’m talking about?

What is your desert of difficulty or temptation or hardship where you feel most discouraged? 

Out in the desert John the Baptist preached,  “Prepare the way for the Lord.  Make straight paths for him.”  

God seems to be saying: make a straight path for me to walk in the desert places of your life… let’s walk straight into it… and straight through it.  You don’t have to stay there, but let’s not miss there.

I’m writing today from the ‘outback’

of the greatest desert experience of my life.

It’s been a couple of years now. And,, as much as I initially agonized in it, over time, I’ve actually grown fond of much of it’s unique terrain and monastic qualities.  

Here’s how I think I got here:

  1.  I had to ‘get straight’ in my mind, that God had led me into this desert experience. I was fully responsible for what got me here and yet, it was God who brought me here. And though there have been many times of extreme loneliness, we know we are not alone.
  1.  I had to ‘get straight” in my mind that this path, while difficult beyond description, was going somewhere profoundly good-and it wasn’t to hell.  God promises that ALL things end up bringing us to where we began- home. And God’s home always has a garden.
  1. I had to ‘get straight’ in my mind that this path, wasn’t going to last forever…. even though I could see no other road ahead. There is a time and season for everything.  And there’s a reason time passes in seasons.God is always creating, redeeming and resurrecting. So this thing IS actually going somewhere. Somewhere really good.

Jesus came bringing good news.  

And a part of what makes it so good is that

it stands up to the heat of even the most difficult places.

Where is your desert?  

Where do you feel you don’t have enough?  Where do you feel hungry for approval?  What are you lacking? What’s always missing? Where is it you don’t deserve to be? What is it you don’t have enough of? Must you always have a next hill to climb, another mission impossible to accomplish?  What things are you using to ‘medicate’ yourself?

* We can get pretty desperate when we think we’re in a desert.*

Wherever that place is for you, God says let me walk with you THERE, because I’m not ashamed of it anymore than I am ashamed of you.  I’m good news to you in the desert, as well as the garden.  I love you. I’m with you…wherever you are.

…Wilderness and desert will sing joyously, the badlands will celebrate and flower—Like the crocus in spring, bursting into blossom, a symphony of song and color.  

Energize the limp hands, strengthen the rubbery knees. Tell fearful souls, “Courage! Take heart! God is here, right here, on his way to put things right And redress all wrongs. He’s on his way! He’ll save you!”

Springs of water will burst out in the wilderness, streams flow in the desert. Hot sands will become a cool oasis, thirsty ground a splashing fountain.

The people God has ransomed will come back on this road. They’ll sing as they make their way home to Zion, unfading halos of joy encircling their heads,  Welcomed home with gifts of joy and gladness as all sorrows and sighs scurry into the night.

Isaiah 35 (Message)

This is what I’ve experienced in my current desert.  In the midst of all the pain and loss, a symphony of song and color have emerged that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

You can reach me at [email protected]

***THANKS for SHARING this blog with someone you think might be interested.

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The Worst/Best Advice If You’ve Been Wronged

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Over the course of my life things have happened to me, people have done things to me that have frightened me, angered me and broken my heart. I had legitimate hurt worthy of comfort and understanding.

Replaying the tapes of the wrongs that were done became my obsession.

Maybe you know something about that, too.

And when these lovely things happen to us there always seems to be a wise cracking person in the crowd (with no trace of blood on their clothes) saying…

Just let it go.

We hear this phrase a lot. It has a nice ring to it. We think it’s probably a good idea— for other people. We tell ourselves that strategy won’t work in our situation. Our situation is different, more complicated, more drastic or sad or life-altering or special.

So we hold on to “it.” This seems like the best plan.

Anyway, to let “it”go would be just plain wrong, way too easy. It’s such a juvenile cliche. To just drop something of this magnitude would be downright irresponsible, would it not? People need to know what this wrong has done to us. Someone or something that caused us this much heartache can’t just walk away scot free.

That is not happening.

Someone’s got to pay for this.

So, we strengthen our grip. And we build a bigger fortress for our suffering.

Somehow, we imagine if we hold out longer our opponent, our tormentor, our adversary will finally get the full picture of what they’ve done.

Surely they will finally SEE what they have caused here. The catastrophic damage. The injustice of it all.

If we dismiss our case against them it would mean that all the pain or money or sleeplessness we’ve gone through would be for nothing. Nada. Nil.

We cannot have that.

Besides, everyone knows it’s the whole principle of the thing. And if you lose your principles, what do you have? Values must be upheld. If we “just let everything go” the entire world would go straight to pot. Pandemonium in the streets. We could never get it all back under control. There must be standards, procedures, ways we treat people, you know, Roberts Rules of Order, The Bill of Rights, The Ten Commandments, that sort of thing.

Yet, we must admit it IS tempting, at times, to let go …a little. The energy required to stay enraged, outraged and engaged in this standoff is depleting our best resources. Scientists tell us, by “holding on” we are literally changing the chemistry of our brain. In a bad way.  It is a proven fact now. We are actually giving ourselves brain damage when we rehearse over and over a wrong that has been done to us.

Well, we snap back. We never asked to be brain damaged.

                                                                                    Hell no, we won’t let go.

Whoever said “just let it go” hasn’t lived our story, that’s for sure.

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Jesus said ( with his hands and feet brutally nailed to a Roman cross)
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Luke 23

“With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”

Mark 10

“…if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them…”
Mark 11

“Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on a rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.”
Matt. 7

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Letting go of a wound is the most compassionate thing we can do for ourselves. And it is the most Christ-like thing we will ever do for someone else.  But, sometimes, it feels impossible. We truly understand this. That’s why we’re here to help.

What or Whom do you need to let go?

You can reach me at [email protected]

or

CONTACT US @youlivetrue.com for a FREE CONSULTATION.

SCHEDULE US TO SPEAK youlivetrue.com/schedule-us-to-speak

***And THANKS FOR SHARING THIS BLOG with someone you think may be interested.

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Seeing The Possible In The Impossible

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Here are three questions I’ve asked myself a lot, over the years. See if you relate: 

  • Do I have ‘enough’ to successfully live the life I think is possible?
  • Do I have ‘enough’ to successfully love, the most significant people in my life?
  • Do I have ‘enough’ to successfully lead, the business or ministry initiatives I think might be possible?”

As I asked myself these questions many times I answered, “No. Not enough.“  Depending on the situation, it seemed  I didn’t have enough energy… time… finances…compassion…wisdom… understanding… talent… opportunities, power, you name it.

Some part of a plan or dream I was working on

seemed impossible. 

And that’s when I started learning:

To do the impossible,

we must access the invisible.

It seems most of our impossible situations involve either :  

Relationships: 

Where most of the emphasis seems to be on things like:

* Doing more for our significant others

* Getting the communication right

*  Working more on being selfless

* ETC.

OR

Responsibilities: 

Where most of the emphasis seems to be on:

* Making things happen

* Getting the right things done right

* Developing strategic plans

* Building great teams

* Taking the next hill

* Having enough money

 

When we’re challenged in relational loving or responsible leading,

we initially see the impossible. 

But we are designed to look into the invisible.

1.  Face the impossible but don’t focus on it

Back in the ’70’s I was a member of the USF Sky Diving Club.  I remember the first time I jumped, out of an airplane.  (Even now as I write this, this doesn’t sound like such a smart thing to do.)

I had been given the following instructions: 1st-  jump when you are told; 2nd- count to 10 and pull the ripcord; 3rd- in the unlikely event that it doesn’t open, pull the reserve chute open; and 4th- when you hit the ground, a truck will take you back to the jump center.

So jump day came and after the plane ascended to the proper height, I jumped when I was told. I counted to 10 and pulled the cord, but the chute failed to open. I then proceeded to the backup plan. The reserve chute also failed to open & at that point I said. “Oh boy, When I hit the ground, I bet the truck won’t be there either.”  

 Yes. I really did skydive and thankfully the chute actually opened.

But, sometimes, when we think a situation looks totally impossible it’s because we’ve limited our focus to us, our circumstances or the other people involved.  

Jesus knew we would do this and He taught us a better way, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” ( Matthew 19) 

 Right now, what is your “this is impossible?” 

2.  Focus on the invisible so you can do what seems impossible

Often our default ‘fixation’ is on what we can actually see… what looks problematic.. .what looks limiting… the problems are plain as day.  God seems to want us  to ‘fix’ our focus on the True solution.   His unseen provision of abundant resources.

Some years ago we took our kids to the Shark Encounter at Sea World.  We were led into a dark, circular room, where a guy stood lecturing on interesting shark facts, the most memorable being that (apparently someone has counted) there are more sharks than there are people on the planet.  He told us sharks are everywhere.

And just as I started to think, Ok buddy, let’s get a move on. We came to see sharks not to talk about them, someone hit a button and all the panels raised to reveal we were actually standing smack in the middle of a humungous shark tank, with giant sharks swimming all around us. 

They had been around us the entire time and we didn’t realize it.  

That day marked me.  I’ve never forgotten it.  I sensed God saying: “David, this is a picture of Me and all My Resources that constantly surround you in true spiritual reality. Remember, there is always more here than what you can see.” 

2 Corinthians 4:18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.   

I was sitting on my back porch early this morning, looking up at the trees, sky, and the sun thinking  how most of what we really need, we can’t see.  I couldn’t see the massive amounts of oxygen the trees and plants were producing for me.  I couldn’t see the powerful energy the sun was giving to the earth and to my body.  Yet, I was totally benefiting from their affects.

God has surrounded you with enormous spiritual resources like energy… love peace…joy…strength…hope…power, freedom, wisdom, grace, relationship…blessing… and favor.  These and more are flowing all around you for the taking right now.

 Once you see the invisible you can do the impossible.

3.  Love and lead by faith until you see the possible emerge

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

2Corinthians 5:7

      *  WALK: make your way toward what needs to happen; use whatever opportunity is presenting itself to you right now. Choose the one that gives you the most peace. I’ve found as I continue to walk in the direction I’ve been led to go, something good will always happen. It may not be all I need to accomplish this thing, but it’s enough to go on for now.  

      * WAIT:  know there is probably going to be lag time between the time something is impossible to when it becomes possible.  During that lag, continue to fix, to focus the eyes of your heart on the invisible realm of life where the greatest, truest change happens… and keep walking in full trust that you always have ALL you really need in this moment.

What impossible situation are you currently facing? 

 Where is your focus?

If it remains on you, others, or your circumstances it will always look impossible.

* What unseen resources are you counting on? 

*  Do you need to keep walking until the next good thing happens?

* Or do you need to wait in faith, with trust filled patience, knowing that you’re just simply in the lag time between what is and what surely will be?

To do the impossible,

we must access the invisible.

 And sometimes we need a little help learning  to view our life situations with as much confidence as God does.  That’s why we’re here. 

You can reach me at [email protected]

or

CONTACT US @youlivetrue.com for a FREE CONSULTATION.

SCHEDULE US TO SPEAK youlivetrue.com/schedule-us-to-speak

***THANKS for SHARING THIS BLOG with someone you think may be interested.

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Are You Black & White or Fifty Shades of Gray?

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In the early days of processing my husband’s betrayal I rejected his vehement declarations that went something like this:

 “Even though I did this, you need to believe me, I never, ever stopped loving you.” 

Yeah, right. There was no way I was buying that.

We just don’t say we love someone and do something so utterly and horribly unloving. 

Or do we?

One of several things that saved our marriage was my learning to hold,

simultaneously

BOTH my husbands many obvious virtues AND this one unthinkable vice. 

 

Like many people, I had often seen my world in black and white. You’re either for us OR against us. You like me OR you don’t. You’re good OR you’re bad. You’re either right OR you’re wrong. It’s either all OR nothing.

I had little capacity for complexity or a healthy, integrated, middle ground. 

 So…

 He was either a loving, godly husband OR an awful, lying cheat.

….an honorable pastor OR a sinful man

…a man of God OR a tool of the enemy.

 

In my hurt and disorientation I could not see the TRUTH of PARADOX:

two opposing statements that are BOTH TRUE at the same time. 

 

Like this familiar statement that most Christians would agree with:

~Jesus was both God and man.

As Mary once said, “But how can this be?”

The same way you can be both a father and a son or a mother and a daughter or a teacher and and an artist or …a Christian and a sinner.

Two different aspects of the same person co-existing. This is called “BOTH AND” or Non-dualistic or “AMPERSAND ( & ) THINKING.” With ampersand thinking you can learn to accept the horror that your loving husband has ALSO been unfaithful, or that your esteemed pastor has ALSO morally failed. 

It means that SIN NEVER CANCELS OUT the GOODNESS in a person’s soul.

It means you can see both aspects of a situation without judging it all one way or the other.

It means you are learning to see how you, too, have goodness & compromise in certain areas of your life.

In her excellent article, “How Can He Do This and Say He Loves Me,” Debbie Lasser describes her own growth in understanding “how can this be?” after discovering her husband’s failures:

” With greater education about (stress) and trauma…I learned how the brain can literally ‘dissociate’ and close off certain memories or behaviors while others take over. I learned that pain, fear, and anger can distract one temporarily from healthy behaviors to choose behaviors to comfort and survive.

I slowly began to believe that betrayal is complicated—not black-and-white. When my worldview expanded to include other possibilities to my simple and legalistic thinking of the past, I could take in the both/and truths of (my husband) Mark’s behaviors: he did love me AND he was medicating some extraordinary pain with unhealthy behaviors.

…embracing ampersand thinking was what led me to stay with my husband. What I knew was that I was in tremendous pain from his infidelity AND I truly loved him. Speaking up about that pain and getting support allowed me to hold the tension of both truths—and to choose to stay and work toward a new life of faithfulness with Mark.” 

Living in the tension of two opposite truths about a person we love or a situation we care about requires a journey through complexity. Most of us don’t like that. That’s too much work, too much mystery. Too much letting go of our need to be right.

We want simple, absolute certainty.

Like, get on or get off the bus.

 Why should I see fifty shades of gray when life can be so much clearer in black or white? 

 

Because REAL LIFE is never just black or white.

 

God Himself is not Father OR Son OR Holy Spirit— but all three in One Person at the same time. A fairly mysterious, simultaneous complexity.

But God is perfect, you say. What about our fallible friends & spouses & family? Do we just OVERLOOK their sin?!

We never overlook pain or unhealthy behavior.

And yet as we do that we also see how our perfect God handles OUR SINS  by receiving, welcoming & holding BOTH our dark & light- the first time, every time for all time.

(Psalm 139:12 …the darkness and the light are both alike to You.)

When this has been gifted to us– where do we get permission to see & hold each other any other way?

 

My journey to embrace the paradox has not been easy. 

But it has made ALL the difference.

It made forgiveness & compassion & complete restoration of our marriage possible.

So, I’m wondering today what situation or relationship with others or even your own view of yourself has you thinking in black and white? Is that bringing you closer to understanding and resolution or is it being destructive, hurtful, limiting, punishing and exclusive?

Sadly, so many marriages, families, friendships, churches and businesses

are being fatally severed by well-meaning but divisive people entrenched in either/or thinking.  

We all need help to learn how to see a hurtful situation or relationship with more clarity, find a better balance to what feels like opposites, to gain insight, compassion and love. We can’t just read a good book or talk with a friend if we hope to rewire years and years of reinforced patterns of black and white thinking.

That’s why we’re here. Let us help you learn how to see and hold what feels like polar opposites with healing grace and truth.

And please SHARE this blog with someone you think may be interested.

You can reach me at [email protected].

CONTACT US: youlivetrue.com/schedule-a-consultation 

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