Which of these three statements sounds

most like

 something you often feel or believe?

We will all experience each of these statements at some point,  but one of them will ring most true to us most of the time.  One of the statements forms a core belief system we live from every waking minute of everyday. It’s our filtering system for everything that comes to us. We are rarely conscious of the way we process our experiences and perceive information, but our subconscious, internal motivation is always active, and on the look out for ways to be affirmed and confirmed.

Some call the way we process life

our false self-pattern,

or

what the bible refers to as our old nature.

One of the three statements above is what gives your ego its primal energy and determination, which at young ages is necessary but as we mature, we start finding the same strategies we used in childhood don’t seem to work as well.

The “I am not enough” statement is the one I most resonate with. I am much more likely to experience that feeling than the other two. When something bad happens to me a subconscious thought registers, like, “ See, once again this proves you’re a loser.”

Now if you were to outright ask me, “Do you feel like a loser?” I’d say, “Not particularly.” But, the loser theme is lurking there just the same. It’s always hanging around, antenna up, looking for me to mess up or for something to go wrong so it can do what it does best which is blame and shame me.

 If we’re being driven by the “ I am not enough” theme, it might energize us to do a lot more than everyone else so we can prove to someone or several someone’s (though most of the time we are never exactly sure who these people are,) that “Yes, I am enough.”

It might drive us to study much harder than everyone else, or go in earlier or stay later at the office.  Or it might drive us to strive for more accolades or affirmations from our boss or from certain people or organizations.  All of this can be a subconscious attempt to silence the incessant loud speaker in our head that keeps whispering,

No way, honey. Don’t you try to kid yourself. You are not okay.

Our false self-theme might fuel a sudden need to go shopping to acquire yet another outfit so we’ll hear how hot we look, or it could nudge us to try to eat our way out of  a loser mentality.

There are a lot of ways

your primary, false self-pattern could be showing up

and wrecking havoc with your life.

 

The first step is simply to become aware that, indeed,  your own false-self pattern does exist.

Becoming self-aware

is one of the most challenging

 and most important

practices

we can have if we really want to live

 in true- self wholeness.

The point is not to be overly vigilant or obsessively self-critical. Being judgmental is a favorite pastime of the false self.  The goal is learning to stand back from yourself like a neutral observer and begin to investigate, to be more curious about what’s really driving you to think, speak and act in the ways you do and to determine if what’s really going on is healthy or unhealthy.

Observe

 when your thoughts

lead to actions or reactions

that defeat or sabotage you

or lead to conflicts

at home or work

or in relationships.

Be curious about what’s really driving you to acquire more and more toys or possessions or hobbies.  Why might you be constantly promoting yourself or relentlessly striving for and talk about ever higher, or more impressive achievements?

Ask yourself: 

What are the things I do or say

that seem to

 get in the way of

the truest riches, qualities and values

I want in my life?

 

And what could be at the bottom of this?

Today, start the practice of being your own non-condemning observer.  At first, you may only be able to see what’s happening after the fact. Over time, you will be able to catch yourself in the act and begin to alter the direction of conversations and actions that you see are coming from a false or unhealthy persona.

We’ll be talking a lot more in the future about false self/true self-tendencies.

But, if you are already aware that one of those three statements above is driving you, in unhealthy directions, we are here now to support your desire take a look at that.  We want to help you discover the secrets to a healthier, more fruitful & deeply satisfying life.

Schedule a consultation at kairoscollective.com.

(Painting by Duy Huynh)