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LTP 17- The Root of Your Stress Is Not ‘Out There’

How your thoughts & feelings of unworthiness feed your stress

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In this podcast Episode 17, David & Caron Loveless discuss how to discover a primary root of your stress is not ‘out there’ but ‘in here.’

Most of us think that our stress comes from somewhere outside ourselves, and sometimes that’s true.  But more often than not, we are stressing ourselves out from the inside by our own thoughts and feelings of unworthiness.

Listen to the Audio

Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.”  You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

Earlier this week we wrote a blog on 17 ways the need for approval is stressing you out.  We promised a further conversation around this in todays podcast.

Everyone likes to feel approved, get praised for a job well done or be on the receiving end of a sincere compliment. Where approval goes wrong is when we do or say things, often unconsciously, to gain admiration or applause in order to cover some sense of unworthiness or insufficiency.

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Without realizing it, the need to feel admired or liked can add boatloads of stress to our already maxed out life.

Listen to the podcast as we discuss in detail (as opposed to just the bulleted points in this weeks blog) the 17 signs your drive to feel validated and gain approval could be stressing you out.

Here is a review of those signs:

* You often talk up your accomplishments or connections so others will know how well you’ve done or are doing

* You position yourself or the work you do in a slightly better light than is actually true.

* You downplay your mistakes so that others won’t think less of you.  

* You “one-up” others in conversations, in meetings or when people are swapping stories. You try to top whatever someone else says or has done. 

* You are highly competitive. Winning is everything. Failure is not an option. 

* It’s hard for you to say no. 

* You volunteer a lot, or constantly work overtime to please the boss. 

* You are the responsible one in the family–everyone depends on you to come through. 

* You feel resentful that others don’t notice all the good things you do for them.

* You constantly check social media for “likes” on your latest posts 

* You can’t decide what to wear, you change your clothes two or three times before leaving the house. You over-focus on your appearance, your fitness, your weight, teeth-whitening, your sex appeal. The mirror is your best & worst friend.

* You feel envious of others who look good, get ahead, or get special recognition

* You are a perfectionist- and proud of it. 

* You obsess about a failure or mistake and you worry about how it makes you look or what others think about you. 

* You are afraid to disappoint people and do just about anything to avoid their disapproval

* You feel uncomfortable or sad if someone does not like you or if they seem to avoid you or have shunned you. 

* You appear strong outside but inside you feel there’s something missing- like you are not  “enough.” 

A significant way of overcoming the need to do any or all the above is staying grounded at our core, to the truth that we are fixed for life in Deepest Love.

This is something we often remind ourselves of. It easily evaporates with all the competing influences of our lives. Maybe that’s why Jesus spends all of John 15 emphasizing abiding in him and his love. It’s significant that one of the last things he asks of his disciples is to, “ Remain in my love.”  (John 15:9)

You must always come back to this… and be daily aware of this: at your core, you are already good. God declares that in Genesis 1. You were good long before you did anything, and are good after everything you’ve done is then gone.

If you want to reduce your stress, experience more peace, plus build more resiliency at work and in your relationships, become more aware of some of the things you do and say to try to gain approval. This is a great step toward growing stronger levels of self-clarity and emotional health. 

Two Resources That Can Help 

1. In our new book  Nothing to Prove: Find the Significance & Satisfaction You’ve Been Striving for at the Core of Your TrueIdentity one of things we candidly talk about is our own issues with approval and how you, too, can overcome the driving compulsion to be known, feel more important and special.

The soft cover & audio versions of the book are available on Feb 16th! To reserve your copy click HERE.  

!!! Important Announcement: our FREE online class goes live next week

2.  We’re about to launch a FREE online class called:  “Stop Striving and Start Enjoying the Life God Made You to Live.”It’s consists of 3 short video lessons that share priceless lessons we’ve learned that can help you significantly reduce feeling stressed, stuck or stale in any area and start experiencing the ultimate life God made you to live.

To Sign Up NOW for Our FREE online class click HERE.

To find out more, listen to this podcast in its entirety by clicking on the play button.

Ask Us a Question

If you have a question, comment, or thought to share with us,  we’d love to hear from you.  Simply click here: “COMMUNICATE w/ David & Caron.”

Subscribe to & Share the Podcast

If you have enjoyed this podcast, you can subscribe by clicking on one of the below buttons:

Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes

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Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed)

If this podcast has been helpful & you’re thinking of someone else you know that could benefit from it, then click on any of the ‘Share’ buttons below or the one’s located at the top of this post.

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17 Signs The Need for Approval Is Stressing You Out

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Everyone likes to feel approved, get praised for a job well done or be on the receiving end of a sincere compliment. Where approval goes wrong is when we do or say things, often unconsciously, to gain admiration or applause in order to cover some sense of unworthiness or insufficiency.

Without realizing it, the need to feel admired or liked can add boatloads of stress to our already maxed out life.

IMG_8355

Here are 17 signs your drive to feel validated and gain approval could be stressing you out:

* You often talk up your accomplishments or connections so others will know how well you’ve done or are doing

* You position yourself or the work you do in a slightly better light than is actually true.

* You downplay your mistakes so that others won’t think less of you.  

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LTP 16- Discover Your Life Worth

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In this podcast Episode, David Loveless talks about how to discover the wealth of your life worth statement.

Most of us have have conformed to our cultural conditioning in which we’ve been told that our Net Worth Statement, is actually what we’re are worth.  But it’s a lie.  We’ve got great news for you today, you are wealthier than you imagined… right now.

Listen to the Audio

Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.”  You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

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Earlier this week we wrote a blog on “The Winning Ticket is in Your Pocket.”  We promised to do a podcast this week on the same thing, where we could explore this more in depth.  So here it is.

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The Winning Ticket Is In Your Pocket

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Unless you’ve been living under a rock you know recently there was a record Powerball lottery prize of $1.5 billion dollars.  I won’t ask if you bought a ticket or if your palms were sweaty as they called out the winning numbers. If you bought one, just nod your head.  If you didn’t buy one, try not to be smug about it.

Several folks had hoaxes played on them. Some friend or family member with a twisted sense of humor tricked them into believing they had won it all.  I suspect of few of those guys ended up in traction.

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Though I didn’t buy a ticket for this Powerball( Caron says she was tempted) I do admit to buying probably 4-5 tickets at various times in the past. Clearly, I was desperate. So I threw a “hail mary” in the direction of my debts and retirement.  But no dice. Dropped balls every time.

Except this one time.

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#1 Way to Grow Emotional Intimacy

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My husband, David, has always been a strong, confident guy who didn’t get easily rattled when things went wrong or difficulties popped up. He was good at tackling huge, complicated situations and moving on.

But, this was not always the case when certain challenges surfaced between us.

I didn’t realize, that just because a guy responds well to huge vocational obstacles he may not process relational ones with the same ease.

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There were many times my reactivity or sensitivity stifled the freedom David needed to be fully open to me with all his thoughts and feelings. Certain subjects were hot buttons for me and David learned to steer clear of those if he wanted to keep the peace. His peace. And, unbeknownst to me peace was his holy grail.

What I learned (the hard way) is that if we want deep enjoyment and satisfaction in our most significant relationships we need

one important thing.

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LTP 15- When Enough Is Never Enough

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In this podcast Episode, David & Caron Loveless discuss “When Enough Is Never Enough.” Many of us are always trying to achieve and accomplish more. There is great value in this and then there can emerge a dark side to it.

To listen to the audio of this podcast, push the above play arrow.

Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.”  You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

Earlier this week, I wrote a blog on leadership and the cost of a national championship.  At the end of it, I promised you a more in-depth discussion on the subject.

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The Story of Urban Meyer and the parallel story of David Loveless is described in this podcast.

We’ve come to realize that the majority of the stress we’ve carried over the years, was completely of our own making. We had a significant hidden ‘driver’ inside. We needed to prove that those who believed in us were right… and those we perceived didn’t believe in us, were wrong.

Here are three observations we’ve made, when it seems like there is so much to do… and so little time… and enough never seems to be enough.

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What’s the Cost of Winning?

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In the aftermath of last nights National Championship football game, it’s easy to get caught up in the celebration of winning. The celebration of accomplishment. We celebrate the sacrifices of hard work by individuals given to reaching their goal of being called The Best.

In my personal journey, I discovered a little while back that Coach Urban Meyer of Ohio State and I have a a lot in common. Hear me out on this… We both love football and are high-octane achievers. Maybe you are the same. However, we also share this similarity:  We’ve both paid a heavy price for our compulsive obsessions to win. That’s something I hope you don’t have in common with us.

With that in mind, I wanted to share some lessons I’ve learned about the “cost” of winning. Because while I reveled in the celebration of accomplishment like so many others, I was unknowingly setting myself up for disaster. Coach Meyer did the same. If you are a leader or consider yourself to be a high-achiever (or desire to be), I ask that you take a few minutes and consider the lessons both Coach Meyer and I learned. Doing so may prevent you from paying the high cost of winning by showing you a new way to succeed.

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Where Are David & Caron Teaching These Days?

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People regularly ask if we are teaching anywhere these days.  The answer is: “Yes.”

We teach through our ministry: Live True  headquartered @youlivetrue.com. We write weekly blogs, produce a weekly podcast- The Live True Podcast, and we have written a new book Nothing To Prove, (which will be available in soft cover in 4 weeks) that candidly details our heartbreakingly good story of inner wholeness and spiritual transformation in our journey to embracing our True Selves in God.

AND we open our home each Sunday for teaching & spiritual community. We also do weekly counseling & coaching sessions for individuals, couples, leaders, churches and teams.

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Our Sunday gathering is: 

  • for anyone hungry for something new in their walk with God 
  • small and intimate, allowing us to know and be known by others
  • where we demonstrate spiritual practices that are life-giving to us & we make time to actually practice them without people feeling intimidated or uncomfortable
  • where we teach from the scriptures a few of the many transforming things that have created breakthroughs for us in our living, loving, and leading.  
  • where everyone gets a chance to ask questions and exchange insights about what we’re all learning

We would love to have you join us in our home if you live in or around the Orlando area any ‪Sunday 10:30am-Noon.

We center everything around Christ, Conversation & Community.

This Sunday, we begin a new series on 5 significant rhythms we see in Jesus’ life.  These rhythms are easily incorporated into your personal, relational, and vocational life…and we’ve seen they can produce higher levels of fulfillment and fruitfulness in your life.

If you’re interested in joining us just email Caron or me at [email protected] or [email protected].

We hope no matter what you’re doing this week or where you’ll be that you will continue to seek and discover the Divine in the your daily experiences. 

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LTP 14- One Skill You Must Have for Better Relationships & It’s Not Listening

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How can you best connect with and inquire about the people in your life? In this podcast episode, David & Caron Loveless discuss the challenge that many of us seem to be bankrupt in, which is our ability to care for and be curious about others, through the questions we ask them.

The power of a good question is that it can encourage and empower all those that we regularly live with, work with, and relate to.

 

To listen to the audio of this podcast, push the above play arrow.

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Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.”  You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

Jesus was master question asker. Why?

At the heart of effective living, loving, and leading, is making relational investments.  And one of the best ways is having a curiosity in those relationships where both care and help can be demonstrated.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Our Top Five Blog Posts You Chose In 2015

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So, how did we do? WordPress.com just sent us their “annual report” for youlivetrue.com and here are some of the cool things they told us about your preferences in 2015:

* The Live True blog was viewed about 17,000 times. The Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. If our blog was a concert at the opera house it would take about 6 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

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* Our busiest day of the year

was April 23rd when we posted your

#1 Most Viewed Blog!