Why You Should Embrace Your Flaws

When the abstract paintings of Jackson Pollock were first introduced people said, that’s not art. It’s too weird, too chaotic. Everyone hated his work. No one would buy it. “What a mess,” they said. “My two year old could do that.” Then, one day art collector Peggy Guggenheim looked at a painting and said,
“Not a mess, people. You’re looking at a masterpiece.”

In 2006 one of Pollock’s paintings sold for $ 140,000,000.

So, are you a mess or a masterpiece? 

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You don’t have to be a perfectionist to be bugged by your flaws. No one likes to fail, show weakness or make a mistake.  And, if you have any kind of religious background, the concept of “spiritual perfection” can really do a number on you.

The way we interpret scriptures like “Be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect,” can set us up for zealous legalism or total defeat.

An egotistic mind takes scriptures like these and applies them like a mathematical mandate. That can lead to head-based, black and white, good or bad thinking that results in our pretending, splitting, and living in denial that evil could exist in us.

God knows we are flawed. And God doesn’t beat us over the head with it.

But, God’s acceptance of our weakness never lessens his desire for our wholeness. 

It’s all in how we go about getting there.

The secret is learning to participate in God’s perfection. As we “abide in him” we grow into God’s wholeness.

However, much of church history has been dominated by “ladder theology” where our spirituality has been judged by outward performance, willpower, and acceptable moral achievement.

This is far from the way Jesus intended us to live.

Once he told this parable:

 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”  (Luke 18)

Jesus’ set-up is brilliant. People look up to the Pharisees and despise the tax collectors. From the get-go we already know who the good guy and the bad guy are. The crowd must have gone…”Come on, Jesus. This one’s too easy.”

But, hold on.

In this story the bad guy wins. Jesus is totally messing with us. This can’t be a “religious story.”

Jesus emphatically teaches us to despise the

pretense of perfection and admire humble confession.

But, nah. We don’t buy this lesson. We keep motoring in the direction of perfection.

It makes no sense to our finite minds that the Sinless Son of God should stand up for a messed up, shameful person.

Yet, it is the sickly, unseemly people that really get God’s attention. Blind eyes, deaf ears, and outcasts – did not repel him, they compelled him. He preferred to dine with the destitute, call on the crippled and welcome the wayward. The baddest man in the region? Jesus is headed to his house. A compromised woman with perfume? He says, I’ll make her famous.

What?!

Jesus doesn’t badmouth our brokenness.

Even, if we should have known better.

Then, why is it that when the sorry shambles of our life breaks public, we think we’re done? Or, if someone we know turns up tainted, we run?

Where did we learn this?

Not from God.

Jesus is a lover and gatherer of the splintered pieces of what was our lives (get this: even if it used to be known far and wide as an exemplary, lovely Christ-honoring life) and like a master artisan; he finds a way to refit and restore what is left into something surprising and breathtaking. And from all those nasty shards he makes something so purely whole that it shows off his glory in something splendidly new.

Mess or masterpiece?

Don’t hide or deny your brokenness. Confess it. Repent of it. And, like the tax collector, make it your offering to God-because without it you might not even know you need God.

Richard Rohr says, “Imperfection is the organizing principle of the entire human, historical, and spiritual enterprise. Imperfection, in the great spiritual traditions, is not just to be tolerated, excused, or even forgiven. It is the very framework inside of which God makes the god-self known (to us) and calls us into gracious union. It’s what allows us and sometimes forces us to fall into the arms of the living God.”

The real goal is not private perfection but divine union. When you’ve experienced any level of divine union or connectedness you know that you have been chosen and loved even in your imperfection. That kind of love can flip a person right side up. It’s God’s kindness that leads us to repentance. (Romans 2:5)

Rohr goes on to state “a spiritually mature person could use the word perfection and know they are talking about God’s perfect abiding in us. An immature and still egocentric person will think of it as a moral achievement that they can personally attain by trying harder.”

So, in light of this now read Philippians 3:9,15 “I no longer seek any perfection from my own efforts… but only the perfection that comes from faith and is from God… We who are called perfect must all think in this way…”

 Why should we embrace our imperfections?

Because God does.

 God chooses to love the human, the ordinary, our imperfect world, an imperfect us. Even more counterintuitive is that God seems to actually use and find necessary for our growth the very things we fear, avoid, deny, and deem unworthy. This blows our minds!

 So, a truly perfect person ends up being one who can consciously forgive and include imperfection rather than one who thinks he or she is above and beyond it. 

You come to God not by being strong, but by being weak; not by being right, but through your mistakes; not by self-admiration but by self-forgetfulness. We know… this is shocking! And yet it shouldn’t be. Both Jesus and the Apostle Paul lived and taught us this.

This is the good news of the gospel.

When you have faced your own imperfection, impurity and unwillingness to love then you are actually ready to believe that the gospel means that God loves, forgives and transforms all… including those “bad guys.”

We are learning to hold the mixture of both the dark and the bright sides of ourselves in the compassionate way our Heavenly dad does.

Author Hugh Prather has said, “ Forgiveness doesn’t excuse behavior; it looks past it to a greater truth.

In the tragic part of our story, there is no excusing what happened. But it has been fully and profusely confessed, wept over, investigated, profoundly owned and presented to God. All that’s left now is for us to live into that much greater truth.

Indeed we are.

And the really good news is, so can you.

* A part of this blog is an excerpt from the book Nothing to Prove: Find the Satisfaction and Significance You’ve Been Striving for at the Core of Your True Identity by David and Caron Loveless.  To get more information on this book or to order it, CLICK HERE.

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LTP 21 Healing Wounds From Our Parents

An Interview with Francis Anfuso

In this very emotional podcast episode, David Loveless interviews Francis Anfuso on how we can see further healing from wounds that initially came from our parents.

Francis grew up in an extremely difficult home that people throughout the country thought would have been magnificent, but behind the curtains, it was everything but that.

Here is a part of his journey toward healing… and we believe, your journey toward healing.

Listen to the Audio

Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.”  You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

We know that our pain can lead to our passion which can then lead to our purpose in life… unless we get jaded in that pain.

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In the interview, we explore some of these questions and more:

  • What does your journey look like when someone else’s script is informing your story, and the wounds remain unattended?
  • What do you do when you can’t even relate to God as father?
  • How can that be changed?
  • Can a person who has been through any difficulty in their childhood, reclaim any part of that childhood?
  • How can we process our experiences of:

A Wounded Heart

An Abandoned Child

The Neglected Child

The Fearful Child

The Embittered Child

The Abused Child

The Performance Driven Child

LTP 20 Our Vital Need For Soul Care

An interview with Dr Rich Plass & Jim Cofield

In this podcast Episode, David & Caron Loveless interview the counselors, whom they met with for more than a year, and who helped get them through their worst nightmare.

What does it look like to engage in the vital soul care that every person yearns for? What causes relationships and marriages to go from great intent to horrible experiences? What do leaders need to be paying attention to in their own personal lives and why?

Listen to the Audio

Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.” 

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In today’s interview, the following subjects are explored:

  • Understanding how the very core of our being and identity is completely wrapped up in relationship.
  • How the understanding of your core identity as a relational soul, is radically different than thinking that relationships are one of the many slices of the pie of your life… or one of many different roles you play.
  • What causes the soul to thrive vs wither?
  • How increasing one’s knowledge of God will NEVER bring about desired life transformation unless it is coupled with increasing knowledge of one’s self.
  • What are the danger points in leaders lives?

 Resources mentioned in this podcast episode:

  • The Relational Soul by Dr Rich Plass & Jim Cofield.  To purchase, click HERE.
  • You can find more about Rich & Jim’s ministry by clicking HERE. 
  • The softcover and/or audio version of our book Nothing to Prove: Find the Satisfaction and Significance You’ve Been Striving for at the Core of Your True Identity are both available now

And for the next 4 days only to those who purchase a book we are offering  special discounted packages that include considerable *FREE bonus material. 

To get yours now or get more info, click HERE.

To find out more, listen to this podcast in its entirety by clicking on the play button.

Ask Us a Question

If you have a question, comment, or thought to share with us,  we’d love to hear from you.  Simply click here: “COMMUNICATE w/ David & Caron.

Subscribe to & Share the Podcast

If you have enjoyed this podcast, you can subscribe by clicking on one of the below buttons:

Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes

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Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed)

If this podcast has been helpful & you’re thinking of someone else you know that could benefit from it, then click on any of the ‘Share’ buttons below or the one’s located at the top of this post.

 

The Gutsiest Blog I’ve Ever Written About The Scariest Thing We’ve Ever Done

What I’m about to share with you is deeply personal. This is the first time I’ve shared it publicly. And I’m a little anxious because once it’s out there, it’s out there. But I’m motivated. I believe what could come from it is utterly critical for someone- maybe several someones.

—-

One morning, almost three years ago, I woke to the sound of my husband sobbing. He was hunched over in a chair at the foot of the bed. His face, streaming tears, his eyes, scared and bloodshot.

I bolted up. “Oh, my gosh, honey. What’s the matter? What in the world? What has happened?” My mind darted through possibilities. I’d seen him cry plenty of times, but never like this. I instantly hurt for whatever drastic thing was causing him such anguish.

“I have a really, really hard thing to tell you.”

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That really, really hard thing was going to shatter every molecule of our entire world. Except for learning that my husband had died –this news was the worst possible. It was the one announcement I was 1000 percent certain would never be handed to me.

If someone had held a gun to my head and said, “True or false. Your husband has been unfaithful. If we find out that statement is false you live. If it’s true, you die. ” Cool as a cucumber I would have said, “Oh gee. I’m shaking in my boots.

But the gun went off .

And I did die- for a long time — I died a thousand, million big and little deaths.  And so did the man I loved. 

A Proven Framework For Personal Transformation

We have always been the kind of people who were zealous to grow and gain mastery in our attitudes, actions and relationships. We kept the latest books on our nightstand, in our brief case and on our Kindle.

You could find us perched on the front row at cutting-edge seminars eager to take copious notes. And we set regular times to pour over scripture and pray (and, sometimes, fast) all in an earnest search for personal improvement, spiritual progress, vocational success and relational harmony.

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You may have done a few of those things yourself. 

Sometimes, the solutions we found worked for awhile. We’d get breakthroughs, gain some new insight.

Then stuff would come up.

And the same old glitches would surface internally, vocationally or relationally. And off we’d go again in search of a better way.

Then, finally, after a lot of years of trial and error in leadership, love, and life we landed on what, for us, has turned out to be a proven framework for lasting personal transformation.

LTP 18- Our #1 Go-To Tool For Personal Transformation

In this podcast Episode, David & Caron Loveless discuss how to use a specific tool that can bring personal clarity and see quantum internal shifts that give you the ability to dramatically improve your emotional, spiritual, professional and relational life. 

Listen to the Audio

Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.”  You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

Earlier this week we wrote a blog on: “One Simple Test That Can Change Your Life.”  Today on this podcast, we want to go more in-depth regarding this transformational tool.

This tool is like an MRI for the soul that can help you pinpoint both the goodness in you as well as what is causing you to suffer… and where you also make others suffer.

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What we’ve discovered is this:

It is actually at the intersection of knowing God

and authentically knowing ourselves

that we find genuine and lasting transformation.

One Simple Test That Can Change Your Life

It’s hard to imagine what life was like before X-rays, MRI’s and brain scans. Thanks to these incredible detection devices we can now know what ails us with pinpoint accuracy.

Wouldn’t it be great to have a similar tool for our souls? A tool that can help us more accurately detect our emotional and spiritual health? Well, we think there actually is one. We have used it on ourselves, and on many others and the results have brought tremendous insight and life change to us all.

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And today we want to share it with you.

There was a time we believed

the key to personal and spiritual health and growth

could be summed up in simply knowing and following God.

Sounds right, doesn’t it? But, let’s think about that.

Think about the people you know who thoroughly believe in God, they go to church, attend Bible studies, and pray. And, maybe these folks do really good things for others, they’re super generous with their time and talents yet, still, there are some pretty significant snags and gaps in their attitudes, actions or relationships.

No one is perfect.  But, if success in life comes from just knowing and following God, why is it that so many of us are not farther along?

LTP 17- The Root of Your Stress Is Not ‘Out There’

How your thoughts & feelings of unworthiness feed your stress

In this podcast Episode 17, David & Caron Loveless discuss how to discover a primary root of your stress is not ‘out there’ but ‘in here.’

Most of us think that our stress comes from somewhere outside ourselves, and sometimes that’s true.  But more often than not, we are stressing ourselves out from the inside by our own thoughts and feelings of unworthiness.

Listen to the Audio

Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.”  You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

Earlier this week we wrote a blog on 17 ways the need for approval is stressing you out.  We promised a further conversation around this in todays podcast.

Everyone likes to feel approved, get praised for a job well done or be on the receiving end of a sincere compliment. Where approval goes wrong is when we do or say things, often unconsciously, to gain admiration or applause in order to cover some sense of unworthiness or insufficiency.

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Without realizing it, the need to feel admired or liked can add boatloads of stress to our already maxed out life.

Listen to the podcast as we discuss in detail (as opposed to just the bulleted points in this weeks blog) the 17 signs your drive to feel validated and gain approval could be stressing you out.

Here is a review of those signs:

* You often talk up your accomplishments or connections so others will know how well you’ve done or are doing

* You position yourself or the work you do in a slightly better light than is actually true.

* You downplay your mistakes so that others won’t think less of you.  

* You “one-up” others in conversations, in meetings or when people are swapping stories. You try to top whatever someone else says or has done. 

* You are highly competitive. Winning is everything. Failure is not an option. 

* It’s hard for you to say no. 

* You volunteer a lot, or constantly work overtime to please the boss. 

* You are the responsible one in the family–everyone depends on you to come through. 

* You feel resentful that others don’t notice all the good things you do for them.

* You constantly check social media for “likes” on your latest posts 

* You can’t decide what to wear, you change your clothes two or three times before leaving the house. You over-focus on your appearance, your fitness, your weight, teeth-whitening, your sex appeal. The mirror is your best & worst friend.

* You feel envious of others who look good, get ahead, or get special recognition

* You are a perfectionist- and proud of it. 

* You obsess about a failure or mistake and you worry about how it makes you look or what others think about you. 

* You are afraid to disappoint people and do just about anything to avoid their disapproval

* You feel uncomfortable or sad if someone does not like you or if they seem to avoid you or have shunned you. 

* You appear strong outside but inside you feel there’s something missing- like you are not  “enough.” 

A significant way of overcoming the need to do any or all the above is staying grounded at our core, to the truth that we are fixed for life in Deepest Love.

This is something we often remind ourselves of. It easily evaporates with all the competing influences of our lives. Maybe that’s why Jesus spends all of John 15 emphasizing abiding in him and his love. It’s significant that one of the last things he asks of his disciples is to, “ Remain in my love.”  (John 15:9)

You must always come back to this… and be daily aware of this: at your core, you are already good. God declares that in Genesis 1. You were good long before you did anything, and are good after everything you’ve done is then gone.

If you want to reduce your stress, experience more peace, plus build more resiliency at work and in your relationships, become more aware of some of the things you do and say to try to gain approval. This is a great step toward growing stronger levels of self-clarity and emotional health. 

Two Resources That Can Help 

1. In our new book  Nothing to Prove: Find the Significance & Satisfaction You’ve Been Striving for at the Core of Your TrueIdentity one of things we candidly talk about is our own issues with approval and how you, too, can overcome the driving compulsion to be known, feel more important and special.

The soft cover & audio versions of the book are available on Feb 16th! To reserve your copy click HERE.  

!!! Important Announcement: our FREE online class goes live next week

2.  We’re about to launch a FREE online class called:  “Stop Striving and Start Enjoying the Life God Made You to Live.”It’s consists of 3 short video lessons that share priceless lessons we’ve learned that can help you significantly reduce feeling stressed, stuck or stale in any area and start experiencing the ultimate life God made you to live.

To Sign Up NOW for Our FREE online class click HERE.

To find out more, listen to this podcast in its entirety by clicking on the play button.

Ask Us a Question

If you have a question, comment, or thought to share with us,  we’d love to hear from you.  Simply click here: “COMMUNICATE w/ David & Caron.

Subscribe to & Share the Podcast

If you have enjoyed this podcast, you can subscribe by clicking on one of the below buttons:

Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes

Click Here to Subscribe via Stitcher (great Android users or listening on the web)

Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed)

If this podcast has been helpful & you’re thinking of someone else you know that could benefit from it, then click on any of the ‘Share’ buttons below or the one’s located at the top of this post.

17 Signs The Need for Approval Is Stressing You Out

Everyone likes to feel approved, get praised for a job well done or be on the receiving end of a sincere compliment. Where approval goes wrong is when we do or say things, often unconsciously, to gain admiration or applause in order to cover some sense of unworthiness or insufficiency.

Without realizing it, the need to feel admired or liked can add boatloads of stress to our already maxed out life.

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Here are 17 signs your drive to feel validated and gain approval could be stressing you out:

* You often talk up your accomplishments or connections so others will know how well you’ve done or are doing

* You position yourself or the work you do in a slightly better light than is actually true.

* You downplay your mistakes so that others won’t think less of you.  

#1 Way to Grow Emotional Intimacy




My husband, David, has always been a strong, confident guy who didn’t get easily rattled when things went wrong or difficulties popped up. He was good at tackling huge, complicated situations and moving on.

But, this was not always the case when certain challenges surfaced between us.

I didn’t realize, that just because a guy responds well to huge vocational obstacles he may not process relational ones with the same ease.

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There were many times my reactivity or sensitivity stifled the freedom David needed to be fully open to me with all his thoughts and feelings. Certain subjects were hot buttons for me and David learned to steer clear of those if he wanted to keep the peace. His peace. And, unbeknownst to me peace was his holy grail.

What I learned (the hard way) is that if we want deep enjoyment and satisfaction in our most significant relationships we need

one important thing.