Category Archives: Clarity

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LT Podcast 3: The Arrogance of Capacity

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To listen to today’s podcast, simply click on the “play” button on the podcast player above, OR if you’ve already subscribed to The Live True Podcast then the episode can be accessed through either your Apple or Android device in your podcast app. (If you’ve received this as an email subscriber and there isn’t a podcast player showing above, then you can listen directly from our website, from your mobile device, or your itunes podcast player.)

Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.” You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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How to Talk to That Voice in Your Head

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How to Talk to That Voice in Your HeadListening to the voice in my head has caused me a lot of suffering. You know the voice I’m talking about.

Throughout the day it shows up, uninvited, and hijacks your thoughts. The voice dishes out color commentary about you and other people or situations. Sometimes, it wakes you up at night. It sounds like a cross between a drill sergeant, The Wicked Witch of the West and you. And it never has anything good to report. It says things like:

  • “It’s your fault. If you had your act together / hadn’t been so clueless/ weren’t such a __________person _________wouldn’t have happened.”
  • You’re such an idiot. You shouldn’t have done/said _____________.
  • You should have done/said ___________.
  • Who do you think you are anyway? You’re never going to be __________. You’re always going to be __________.
  • You might as well face it. You don’t have what it takes to ________________________.
  • __________ is what’s wrong with you. You’re a total _________.
  • Ohmigosh! Get a clue! You are SOOOOOO old/dumb/fat/skinny/tall/short/ugly/plain/boring/slow/shy/ needy/poor/unproductive/_________. No one’s ever going to __________ you.

And because this voice can actually see through walls and brain matter and is so incredibly omniscient, it also tells us, with great accuracy, what other people are thinking. Like…

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LT Podcast 2: The One Argument We Can Never Win

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Subscribe to Podcast in iTunes

To listen to today’s podcast, simply click on the “play” button on the podcast player above OR if you’ve already subscribed to “The Live True Podcast” then the episode can be accessed through either your apple or android device, in your podcast app.

The One Argument You Can Never WinHere is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.” You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

What’s TRUE: What are the internal ROOTS of your life that can help you name & own what is good AS well as what is distorted in you that drives & produces your external life?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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The Most Common Cause of Conflict In Love Relationships

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IMG_6134My husband, David, and I have a ton of things in common. We both like sports. We both enjoy being in nature, hiking or biking or just reading together at the beach or by a lake. We both love challenging conversation around big ideas. We appreciate just about every genre of music. We are both first-born, natural leaders.

And our mutual passion for God and personal spiritual growth was one of the first things that attracted us to each other as college students.

For all the rich goodness in our relationship we also had

a couple of reoccurring relational snags that kept tripping us up. 

These glitches distracted us from what we agree is a rare and remarkable love. And, sometimes, those rough patches blinded us from seeing the best in each other and our relationship.

What was going on? 

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The #1 Thing You MUST DO NOW to Live a Healthy, Happy Life

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IMG_5951Like a lot of people, I’ve been detoxing my life.  More and more I’m “going green” in my food, cosmetics & cleaning supplies. And, I was just starting to feel proud of myself until I learned there’s one thing that could totally wipe out even the best of my healthy intentions.

In fact, scientists say, this one thing could literally be killing me right now.

My thoughts.

Crazy, I know. But, the people that study these things say the science is all there to back this up.

Our thoughts are killing us!

The facts are:  all those negative, stressful, anxious, angry, wounded, irritated  thoughts – thoughts that until now we’ve seen as -harmlessly human -are actually THE CAUSE of 75-98 percent of all mental, physical and behavioral illness.

According to Dr. Caroline Leaf in her book, Switch On Your Brain, research shows only 2-25 percent of mental and physical illness comes from the environment and genes.

This is alarming to me for two reasons:

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There Is More To Your Story Than You Think

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phontoAwhile back, Caron and I spent some time looking at our life stories. You’d think as long as we’ve known each other we’d have the details down by now. Yeah, the main events had been told and retold for years.  But, in telling our stories we had missed one simple key to better understanding ourselves and each other. 

Turns out, it isn’t just our life events that affect us

but how we interpret those events, 

particularly in our early years,

that is a critical factor in how we view and react to people and events in our lives right now.

The book, The Relational Soul, by Jim Cofield and Dr. Rich Plass has been hugely helpful to us. We highly recommend it.  In it, Plass and Cofield say, “at the center of our story, we find our relational blueprint.”  This is the internal schematic we draw on to build relationships and interact with others our entire life. 

One way to get a better look at our blueprint is to write out the major turns in our life story and then share them with someone we trust. Doing this can help unravel some of our more mystifying experiences and behaviors. Paired with a skilled counselor we can become aware of negative thought patterns planted in childhood that significantly impact current relationships.

“Hang on,” we said, “Haven’t we done this exercise about 50 times over the years?” Yes, but not in the way Cofield and Plass suggest. Even if you’ve already done some personal timeline work and think you’re beyond it— keep reading.

Or, you might have other objections like:

 “Remembering my past won’t help with what I’ve got going on right now.

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3 Hidden Ways You Stress Yourself Out

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This week we want to repost a blog we’ve gotten a lot of emails and comments on. Stress is a HUGE issue for so many of us and I wish someone had told me years ago about these three hidden stressors. Let us know what you think.

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FullSizeRenderI’m coming to see that a great deal of my stress is not caused by circumstances beyond my control – but by my need to control my circumstances.  

I could give you a ton of examples of this ( and so could those brave, intrepid souls who have lived and worked with me 🙂 but one incident that quickly comes to mind is the time a team of us spent three hot, sweaty days preparing for our son’s outdoor wedding reception at the beautiful lakefront home of his in-laws-to-be.

 It was fun and exciting and stressful.

I was the “wedding coordinator.” And we pulled out the stops to make this moment as fabulous as we could imagine, complete with a huge tent, newly constructed dance- floor -deck with those cool dangling lights, a fireworks barge on the lake and giant search lights beaming love into the night sky for all the world, or at least, everyone within 10 miles, to see.

It was glorious.

Until the worst thunderstorm in recorded history suddenly hit…

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47 Quotes That Will Change Your Life

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IMG_1967True confession: I’m a quote hoarder.

I underline, dog-ear, highlight, copy and paste other people’s wisdom several times a day. I keep 3×5 cards in my purse and scribble quotes in the dark at the movies. I say, “Ooooh that’s a good one.”  A lot.

And I’ve been doing this for years.

So, today, I’m sharing just a sliver of the insight, advise and sayings that have caught my eye, grabbed my heart and challenged me to grow. They are changing me. And I hope these ancient/modern musings make you stop and think or reevaluate your own view of things and, like they have for me, may they give you a little more juice for your journey of living, loving and leading.

What I want you to know: 

* It caused me great pain (no torture) to limit this to merely 47.  

*Quotes appear in no certain order.  They are ALL my favorites.

*Just because I quote someone it doesn’t mean I agree with every single thing they have ever written or what they believe. (Heck, I can’t recall ever agreeing with everything ANYONE has ever said.) I like the adage, “Chew the meat and spit out the bones.”

*All truth is God’s Truth no matter who presents it.  I draw from all kinds of sources that resonate with my own life experience or with the Spirit in me. I want to be able to learn from anyone.

* Pick one quote to pass on or to tape to your bathroom mirror. 

*Read slow and… savor.

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1) The longer one stays in flight from reality, the more painful will be the landing.

Taite Adams

 

2) Your task is not to seek for love but to merely find the barriers within yourself that you have built up against it.

    Rumi

 

3) The thing about denial is that it doesn’t feel like denial when it’s going on. 

    Georgina Kleege

 

4) We become whomever we trust the most says we are.

     Bob Goff

 

5) I was born, when all I once feared, I could love.

    Rabia

 

6) Where is the Life we lost in living? 

    T.S.Eliot

 

7) We have all laid the best plans for our children, and then they go out and ruin it all by growing up any way they want to.

   Kristina Riggle

 

8) The way we treat people we disagree with most is a report card on what we’ve learned about love. 

    Bob Goff

 

9) In prosperity our friends know us. In adversity, we know our friends.

G.K. Chesterton

 

10) For although God is right with us and in us and out of us and all through us, we have to go on journeys to find him.

Thomas Merton

 

 11) When I believed my thoughts I suffered.

       Byron Katie

 

12) It’s all that pretending to be perfect that breeds inauthenticity in the church.

       Rich Mullins

 

13) All paths do not lead to God. But God will meet you on whatever path you’re on.

      Unknown

 

14) You can either practice being right or practice being kind.

Anne Lamott

 

15) Sin never introduces itself to us as pain.

      David Loveless

 

16) The lesson that has been hardest for me to learn: there is nothing to prove. 

      Rob Bell

 

17) You have power over your mind- not over outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. 

     Marcus Aurelius

 

18) You need to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes every day. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on your mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control. 

     Elizabeth Gilbert

 

19) Sometimes, to be happy in the present moment, you have to be willing to give up hope for a better past.

   Robert Holden

 

20) One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.

     Bob Marley

 

21) Sometimes, in life, nothing happens. But, sometimes, nothing happens beautifully.

      Colum McCann

 

22) When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God.

     Charles Allen

 

23) We find it hard to love imperfect things so we imagine God is just as small as we are. If we expect or need things to be perfect or to our liking ( including ourselves) we have created a certain path for a very unhappy life.

    Richard Rohr

 

24) We are shaped by what we love.

      Goethe

 

25) Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

      Jessica Howell

 

26) The impeded stream is the one that sings.

Wendell Berry

 

27) No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.

      Randy Pausch

 

28) Love is the absence of judgement.

      Dali Lama XIV

 

29) I was changing my outfits, my looks, my wig, sometimes several times a day. That’s when I know my soul is restless. 

     Lady Gaga

 

30) Sin is unwillingness to trust that what God wants for me is only my deepest happiness.

Ignatius of Loyola

 

31) There are three things we have to let go of. The first is the compulsion to be successful. Second, is the compulsion to be right—especially theologically right. (That’s merely an ego trip, and because of this “need” churches split in half, with both parties prisoners of their own egos.) Finally, there is the compulsion to be powerful, to have everything under control.

    Richard Rohr

 

32) The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find out the ones worth suffering for.

  Bob Marley

 

33) The way you measure the difference between being blessed or being spoiled is the degree to which you feel entitled to it. 

    Mike Breen

 

34) Be with those who help your being.

    Rumi

 

35) I will learn to love the skies I’m under

      Mumford & Sons

 

36) Someone’s therapist knows all about you.

       Dominic Riccitello

 

37) None of your sins survived the cross. 

Clark Whitten

 

38) You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep Spring from coming.

       Pablo Neruda

 

39) How will you know if you are at the end of your journey if you take the road to another man’s city?

      Thomas Merton

 

40) He has great tranquility of heart who cares for neither the praises or the fault-finding of men. You are not holier if you are praised, nor more worthless if you are found fault with. What you are, that you are. And no human opinion can alter who you are in the sight of God. 

Thomas ‘a Kempis

 

41) It’s never about “them.”

      Byron Katie

 

42) If you don’t love the life God has given you then you’re not seeing the love God has for you. 

Francis Anfuso

 

43) Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.

      Carl Jung

 

44) Suffering is a privilege. It moves us toward thinking of essential things and shakes us out of complacency. Calamity cracks you open, moves you to change your ways. 

Pico Iyer

 

45) Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to help mom do the dishes.  

Unknown

 

46) If you do not transform your wounds you will transmit them. 

Richard Rohr

 

47) Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. 

    Thomas ‘a Kempis

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48) BONUS Freebie! 

Whatever comes, God comes with it.

Caron Chandler Loveless

 

 

You can reach me at [email protected]

***And THANKS FOR SHARING THIS BLOG with someone you think may be interested.

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Whose Side Are You On?

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IMG_4940Lately, the news has been a barrage of “tribal warfare.”

* Gay vs Straight court rulings

* Confederates vs the Union

* North Korea vs South Korea

* Republicans vs Democrats

* Jews vs Arabs

* Russia vs just about Everybody

And, I would probably be remiss, if I didn’t mention the Dallas Cowboys ( or YOUR favorite team) Vs their opponents.

Somewhere we were made to believe there will always be TWO sides to everything and we need to pick one and it better be the right one… and we better defend that baby as if our life depended on it.

Well, at one time, our lives did depend on it. 

In the ancient world, your survival was directly connected to the strength of your tribe.  The security of tribal life allowed humans to live longer and to be more prosperous. Everyone knew their place in the tribe and their whole existence was devoted to the dominance and preservation of the tribal unit.

To survive wild beasts and enemy attacks your tribe must be stronger, smarter and more superior than its adversaries.

 In the ancient world it was always US vs THEM.  

And this went for tribal religion too. Everyone had their gods and goddesses or the forces or deities they worshipped and believed would guide and protect them.  Whenever you went to war with  another tribe you were not only going for self defense or access to resources but your god was confronting their god.  (Think David vs Goliath.)

We learned it was important to cooperate and show allegiance to the leaders and values of our tribe if we hoped to advance in life. Our tribe became our whole identity and we rallied around sacred tribal objects like flags and colors and we revered sacred places like Athens or Rome or Mecca or Jerusalem.

In human development, we move from being a baby, totally consumed with our own needs, to being an individual who identifies with a specific group…some kind of family structure that gives us food, clothing, shelter and hopefully, love. Without their help we’re dead.

As a child some form of tribalism is necessary if we hope to make it to our next birthday.

 And it also becomes a perfect greenhouse to grow one’s ego.

 In Genesis 12 God called Abram to be the leader of a new kind of tribe.  Remember Father Abraham?  (...had many sons and many sons had father Abraham.  I am one of them, and so are you, so let’s just…)

Anyway, Abram’s tribe was supposed to be different in that his would exist to be a blessing to ALL other tribes.  

Radical concept.  

As this new tribe of Abraham’s grew, they carried with them a sense of calling that they were to play a unique role in the world, to not only concern themselves with their own blessing but to make sure that everyone else experienced that blessing, too.

In the modern world, we still need our tribe to get us going in life and to care for us when times get tough. But, a serious problem emerges when we over- associate with our sub group or heritage, when we place too much dependence and significance on our tribe, when pretty much our whole identity is wrapped up in or represented by that group.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how God always seems to be calling us to a bigger vision.

A way to grow up and out of all our little tribes.

He leads us from: 

– multiple families into One Family

– multiple gods to One God

– multiple parts into One Body

– separation into integration

– our many small kingdoms into His One Great Kingdom

– “them” into “us.”

It seems real Kingdom religion is about making ONE out of TWO.  Whatever is separate, Christ comes to connect… and bring together, and make one.

I’m struck by how the woman in Mark 5 (treated inferior by the men of her time) whom we are told had an “issue of blood” for 12 years ( which deemed her “impure” by her religious group) was  addressed by Jesus as “daughter.”  He immediately identifies with her.  He immediately unifies with her…he calls her family.

Not only that, but He wants to demonstrate to her (and everyone else)

that there aren’t TWO categories: clean and unclean. 

But only ONE category: Good.  

We see him rejecting a tribal law that would call him “unclean,” and get him banned from town if he so much as accidentally touches her.

Jesus seems to want her to know that no matter what the “tribe” may have said she was in no way rejected by God.  She was fully accepted. And he seemed to be willing to stake his ministry on it.

Religion has an amazing ability, as Richard Rohr says, at its lower levels,

to declare certain types of people as outsiders.  

There’s always someone who isn’t as worthy as we are to be included.

The astounding thing to me is almost every single person Jesus touched, ate with, healed or associated with had been banned for one reason or another by his tribe. Time and time again Jesus shocked the crowds and defied his tribal leaders in order to demonstrate God’s higher law.

 Jesus came to show us there is no “them.” There is only “us.” 

Did people get mad? Was it potentially messy? Would there be age old animosities to overcome?  Oh, yeah. But, apparently, for Jesus,

alienation was the only thing

that was ultimately unacceptable in God’s Kingdom. 

Whether we think someone looks in or out, pure or impure, right or wrong Jesus’ words to the thief nailed next to him, are the litmus test for acceptance and what I pray will be the words that pour from my heart toward those from “other” groups. He says,

“Welcome. You belong with me no matter what.

We are not separate.  Come on in.”

Romans 10:12 “For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile- the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him…”

Galatians 3:26,28 “So, in Christ Jesus you are (ALL) children of God…There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”  

so…

– Who are “the outsiders” according to your current tribe? 

 – What forms of ancient tribalism are you holding on to that ban, ostracize or keep you separate from those of “lesser” worth?

I want to quit taking sides… to quit overly identifying with one tribe over another …to quit feeling like my worth is dependent on whether our tribe wins the cultural war of the moment.

I want to quit relishing that feeling of being better than someone else… superior to someone else… more holy or correct than those other people.

I really do want to place my citizenship in the Kingdom of God,

that unifies all, receives all, forgives all, touches all and loves all.

 Though, I will admit, this might get tough this season when the Cowboys make it to the playoffs.

 

You can reach me at [email protected]

***THANKS for SHARING this blog with someone you think might be interested.

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How To Find Meaning In The Mundane

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IMG_4751Everyone of us wrestle with the routines of life.  There is something that screams out: “I’m tired of this grind!”  Well today, I’m glad to introduce you my good friend- Michael Thompson. He writes terrific stuff each week and I recently saw this blog he wrote on “The Grind.” Hope you enjoy.

“Sophia, #2 of our 3 Granddaughters, was just post-toddler when she discovered PawPaw’s famous horsey rides.

Now this was no normal knee-bouncing pony ride.

It was epic–legendary among her older cousins.

I bounced her wildly on my knee, her blonde locks flying everywhere as if she had mounted a fleeting steed. Then, at just the right moment, I would kick my foot straight out so she would free fall nearly to the floor, when my leg would pop up just in time to catch her and bring her back to proper riding position.

She was Guinevere galloping side-by-side with Arthur and the Knights!

Ok, maybe not so much–but she loved it! For her it was adventure she wanted to repeat–often.

 Her inevitable response was one breathless word: “Again!”

For me, the ever-spoiling PawPaw who would repeat the rides over and over until I had leg cramps, the response was ultimately a cry for mercy: “NOT again!!”

One of the most soul-killing experiences in life is routine.

Those are the moments when we fill like grist for the mill of the daily grind and we simply sigh–or scream–“Not again!”

  • The caregiver repeating the same instructions for the umpteenth time to a forgetful elder
  • The mother changing yet another dirty diaper for a demanding baby
  • The office worker making the millionth pile of copies that no one ever reads
  • The middle-aged guy trying to get back in shape with just one more lap around the neighborhood
  • The piano student with dreams of being the next Van Cliburn but running one more scale on the ivories

Now I know life has its moments of trauma and drama. I’ve lived through some of the worst.

But most of life is daily–the rut and rub of routine that makes you sometimes wonder why you are getting out of bed to do it one more time.

 The truth is, we cannot run from the treadmill of life…

we must run on it.

To avoid losing hope and motivation in those unremarkables of the everyday, we have to find something more–something real and valuable.

 Treasure in the mud.

Jesus actually told us that we would find His Kingdom there.

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.” (Matthew 13:44)

He didn’t say you’d find the King there. He said the Kingdom–that place of living where the King is in charge and can be Himself.

To find your sphere of life where God wants to demonstrate what He is like and what He can do–you have to look in the mud! The Kingdom is found in the daily.

God’s highlight reel is your daily routine!

Honestly, in seasons where my life is so “normal” as to be inane, that is sometimes very hard to believe.

What makes any season in life feel like a grind?

  • It gets too mundane.Life’s norms can quickly make you feel like you really don’t matter and aren’t making any difference. The menial, banal ordinariness of the day can quickly sap your sense of purpose or identity.
  • It feels too confining.Too often the stuff of life feels limiting and constricting. It easily robs you of a sense of personal freedom or authentic creativity. Sameness is a slippery slope into drab and colorless existence.
  • It seems too boring.The routines and ruts we experience every day will make words about “destiny”, “adventure” or “risky living” sound like the adult voice to Charlie Brown, “Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah.
  • It is too easy. Living the normal life often leaves you unchallenged. You feel like a robot could do it. Your heart gets carpal tunnel syndrome from the repetitive motion injury of generic subsistence.

 

So those gnawing feelings beg the question, how do I find any purpose and significance in my monotonous regularity?

  • When life gets mundane, remember: there is meaning under it. Beneath the ruts of daily-ness, God is forging the faithfulness that you will need when demanding moments come.
  • When life feels confining, remember: there is more to it. The rich facets of grace that are working in the deeper parts of the real you will be seen when the pressure is on.
  • When life seems too boring, remember: there is a message in it.  Somewhere in the “carpenter shop” of your development is the “Jesus” that will make a world of difference.
  • When life is too easy, remember: there is mission beyond it. Rest in the quiet stretches of the stream of life, because without fail the rapids will come and you will need your strength.

I love classic Jazz. The free-flowing riffs are the white-water rapids of music. Spontaneity, freedom–even rewriting musical rules on the fly–those are the things that make Jazz great. And you can feel it watching the jive masters at work.

But great Jazz is freedom of musicianship built on years of practiced discipline in the fundamentals. You can’t vamp if you don’t know your scales. You can’t freestyle if form isn’t embedded in you. Until the basics are a knee-jerk reaction, jamming is not an option.

You may feel like you are digging in the mud right now. But these are the moments when the traits you will need, the character you must have and the depth you can’t live without is unearthed.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

Here’s a daily reminder: even that rich, deep, aromatic, essential cup of coffee that makes your morning tolerable and helps you keep the daily pace–first requires…

…the grind.”

Michael Thompson is terrific writer that you can find at:  kindling word.com.  He taught for 20 years as a pastor and for the past 14 years, he’s been a trainer for a leading stock market software company.