Category Archives: Relationships

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How to Be a Better Lover

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Most people I know want to be better lovers.

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There are a ton of books out there on how to get the love you want, how attract the love of your life and be ecstatically happy with your soulmate forever.  Nothing wrong with getting the love you want or even looking for someone to love you.

But, true love is a gift that’s bursting to be given. That’s what love does.

And, whether we want to give someone 1,000 dollars or one selfless act of kindness we’ve got to possess that thing before we can give it away.

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How to Make the Most of Your Next Meeting

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Several months ago, I was driving to meet a leader who had initiated lunch with me. And, while I was on my way, I started thinking about the possibilities that might come from our getting together.

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I thought there might be some mutual benefit to a potential partnership and I started rehearsing in my mind a few things I might need to say or demonstrate for that to happen.

Then I woke up. I realized I had left the activity of actually driving my car and had slipped into a momentary “trance” that was heading toward self-serving.

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LT Podcast 2: The One Argument We Can Never Win

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Subscribe to Podcast in iTunes

To listen to today’s podcast, simply click on the “play” button on the podcast player above OR if you’ve already subscribed to “The Live True Podcast” then the episode can be accessed through either your apple or android device, in your podcast app.

The One Argument You Can Never WinHere is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.” You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

What’s TRUE: What are the internal ROOTS of your life that can help you name & own what is good AS well as what is distorted in you that drives & produces your external life?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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The Most Common Cause of Conflict In Love Relationships

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IMG_6134My husband, David, and I have a ton of things in common. We both like sports. We both enjoy being in nature, hiking or biking or just reading together at the beach or by a lake. We both love challenging conversation around big ideas. We appreciate just about every genre of music. We are both first-born, natural leaders.

And our mutual passion for God and personal spiritual growth was one of the first things that attracted us to each other as college students.

For all the rich goodness in our relationship we also had

a couple of reoccurring relational snags that kept tripping us up. 

These glitches distracted us from what we agree is a rare and remarkable love. And, sometimes, those rough patches blinded us from seeing the best in each other and our relationship.

What was going on? 

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There Is More To Your Story Than You Think

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phontoAwhile back, Caron and I spent some time looking at our life stories. You’d think as long as we’ve known each other we’d have the details down by now. Yeah, the main events had been told and retold for years.  But, in telling our stories we had missed one simple key to better understanding ourselves and each other. 

Turns out, it isn’t just our life events that affect us

but how we interpret those events, 

particularly in our early years,

that is a critical factor in how we view and react to people and events in our lives right now.

The book, The Relational Soul, by Jim Cofield and Dr. Rich Plass has been hugely helpful to us. We highly recommend it.  In it, Plass and Cofield say, “at the center of our story, we find our relational blueprint.”  This is the internal schematic we draw on to build relationships and interact with others our entire life. 

One way to get a better look at our blueprint is to write out the major turns in our life story and then share them with someone we trust. Doing this can help unravel some of our more mystifying experiences and behaviors. Paired with a skilled counselor we can become aware of negative thought patterns planted in childhood that significantly impact current relationships.

“Hang on,” we said, “Haven’t we done this exercise about 50 times over the years?” Yes, but not in the way Cofield and Plass suggest. Even if you’ve already done some personal timeline work and think you’re beyond it— keep reading.

Or, you might have other objections like:

 “Remembering my past won’t help with what I’ve got going on right now.

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3 Hidden Ways You Stress Yourself Out

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This week we want to repost a blog we’ve gotten a lot of emails and comments on. Stress is a HUGE issue for so many of us and I wish someone had told me years ago about these three hidden stressors. Let us know what you think.

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FullSizeRenderI’m coming to see that a great deal of my stress is not caused by circumstances beyond my control – but by my need to control my circumstances.  

I could give you a ton of examples of this ( and so could those brave, intrepid souls who have lived and worked with me 🙂 but one incident that quickly comes to mind is the time a team of us spent three hot, sweaty days preparing for our son’s outdoor wedding reception at the beautiful lakefront home of his in-laws-to-be.

 It was fun and exciting and stressful.

I was the “wedding coordinator.” And we pulled out the stops to make this moment as fabulous as we could imagine, complete with a huge tent, newly constructed dance- floor -deck with those cool dangling lights, a fireworks barge on the lake and giant search lights beaming love into the night sky for all the world, or at least, everyone within 10 miles, to see.

It was glorious.

Until the worst thunderstorm in recorded history suddenly hit…

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47 Quotes That Will Change Your Life

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IMG_1967True confession: I’m a quote hoarder.

I underline, dog-ear, highlight, copy and paste other people’s wisdom several times a day. I keep 3×5 cards in my purse and scribble quotes in the dark at the movies. I say, “Ooooh that’s a good one.”  A lot.

And I’ve been doing this for years.

So, today, I’m sharing just a sliver of the insight, advise and sayings that have caught my eye, grabbed my heart and challenged me to grow. They are changing me. And I hope these ancient/modern musings make you stop and think or reevaluate your own view of things and, like they have for me, may they give you a little more juice for your journey of living, loving and leading.

What I want you to know: 

* It caused me great pain (no torture) to limit this to merely 47.  

*Quotes appear in no certain order.  They are ALL my favorites.

*Just because I quote someone it doesn’t mean I agree with every single thing they have ever written or what they believe. (Heck, I can’t recall ever agreeing with everything ANYONE has ever said.) I like the adage, “Chew the meat and spit out the bones.”

*All truth is God’s Truth no matter who presents it.  I draw from all kinds of sources that resonate with my own life experience or with the Spirit in me. I want to be able to learn from anyone.

* Pick one quote to pass on or to tape to your bathroom mirror. 

*Read slow and… savor.

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1) The longer one stays in flight from reality, the more painful will be the landing.

Taite Adams

 

2) Your task is not to seek for love but to merely find the barriers within yourself that you have built up against it.

    Rumi

 

3) The thing about denial is that it doesn’t feel like denial when it’s going on. 

    Georgina Kleege

 

4) We become whomever we trust the most says we are.

     Bob Goff

 

5) I was born, when all I once feared, I could love.

    Rabia

 

6) Where is the Life we lost in living? 

    T.S.Eliot

 

7) We have all laid the best plans for our children, and then they go out and ruin it all by growing up any way they want to.

   Kristina Riggle

 

8) The way we treat people we disagree with most is a report card on what we’ve learned about love. 

    Bob Goff

 

9) In prosperity our friends know us. In adversity, we know our friends.

G.K. Chesterton

 

10) For although God is right with us and in us and out of us and all through us, we have to go on journeys to find him.

Thomas Merton

 

 11) When I believed my thoughts I suffered.

       Byron Katie

 

12) It’s all that pretending to be perfect that breeds inauthenticity in the church.

       Rich Mullins

 

13) All paths do not lead to God. But God will meet you on whatever path you’re on.

      Unknown

 

14) You can either practice being right or practice being kind.

Anne Lamott

 

15) Sin never introduces itself to us as pain.

      David Loveless

 

16) The lesson that has been hardest for me to learn: there is nothing to prove. 

      Rob Bell

 

17) You have power over your mind- not over outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. 

     Marcus Aurelius

 

18) You need to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes every day. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on your mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control. 

     Elizabeth Gilbert

 

19) Sometimes, to be happy in the present moment, you have to be willing to give up hope for a better past.

   Robert Holden

 

20) One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.

     Bob Marley

 

21) Sometimes, in life, nothing happens. But, sometimes, nothing happens beautifully.

      Colum McCann

 

22) When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God.

     Charles Allen

 

23) We find it hard to love imperfect things so we imagine God is just as small as we are. If we expect or need things to be perfect or to our liking ( including ourselves) we have created a certain path for a very unhappy life.

    Richard Rohr

 

24) We are shaped by what we love.

      Goethe

 

25) Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

      Jessica Howell

 

26) The impeded stream is the one that sings.

Wendell Berry

 

27) No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.

      Randy Pausch

 

28) Love is the absence of judgement.

      Dali Lama XIV

 

29) I was changing my outfits, my looks, my wig, sometimes several times a day. That’s when I know my soul is restless. 

     Lady Gaga

 

30) Sin is unwillingness to trust that what God wants for me is only my deepest happiness.

Ignatius of Loyola

 

31) There are three things we have to let go of. The first is the compulsion to be successful. Second, is the compulsion to be right—especially theologically right. (That’s merely an ego trip, and because of this “need” churches split in half, with both parties prisoners of their own egos.) Finally, there is the compulsion to be powerful, to have everything under control.

    Richard Rohr

 

32) The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find out the ones worth suffering for.

  Bob Marley

 

33) The way you measure the difference between being blessed or being spoiled is the degree to which you feel entitled to it. 

    Mike Breen

 

34) Be with those who help your being.

    Rumi

 

35) I will learn to love the skies I’m under

      Mumford & Sons

 

36) Someone’s therapist knows all about you.

       Dominic Riccitello

 

37) None of your sins survived the cross. 

Clark Whitten

 

38) You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep Spring from coming.

       Pablo Neruda

 

39) How will you know if you are at the end of your journey if you take the road to another man’s city?

      Thomas Merton

 

40) He has great tranquility of heart who cares for neither the praises or the fault-finding of men. You are not holier if you are praised, nor more worthless if you are found fault with. What you are, that you are. And no human opinion can alter who you are in the sight of God. 

Thomas ‘a Kempis

 

41) It’s never about “them.”

      Byron Katie

 

42) If you don’t love the life God has given you then you’re not seeing the love God has for you. 

Francis Anfuso

 

43) Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.

      Carl Jung

 

44) Suffering is a privilege. It moves us toward thinking of essential things and shakes us out of complacency. Calamity cracks you open, moves you to change your ways. 

Pico Iyer

 

45) Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to help mom do the dishes.  

Unknown

 

46) If you do not transform your wounds you will transmit them. 

Richard Rohr

 

47) Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. 

    Thomas ‘a Kempis

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48) BONUS Freebie! 

Whatever comes, God comes with it.

Caron Chandler Loveless

 

 

You can reach me at [email protected]

***And THANKS FOR SHARING THIS BLOG with someone you think may be interested.

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Whose Side Are You On?

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IMG_4940Lately, the news has been a barrage of “tribal warfare.”

* Gay vs Straight court rulings

* Confederates vs the Union

* North Korea vs South Korea

* Republicans vs Democrats

* Jews vs Arabs

* Russia vs just about Everybody

And, I would probably be remiss, if I didn’t mention the Dallas Cowboys ( or YOUR favorite team) Vs their opponents.

Somewhere we were made to believe there will always be TWO sides to everything and we need to pick one and it better be the right one… and we better defend that baby as if our life depended on it.

Well, at one time, our lives did depend on it. 

In the ancient world, your survival was directly connected to the strength of your tribe.  The security of tribal life allowed humans to live longer and to be more prosperous. Everyone knew their place in the tribe and their whole existence was devoted to the dominance and preservation of the tribal unit.

To survive wild beasts and enemy attacks your tribe must be stronger, smarter and more superior than its adversaries.

 In the ancient world it was always US vs THEM.  

And this went for tribal religion too. Everyone had their gods and goddesses or the forces or deities they worshipped and believed would guide and protect them.  Whenever you went to war with  another tribe you were not only going for self defense or access to resources but your god was confronting their god.  (Think David vs Goliath.)

We learned it was important to cooperate and show allegiance to the leaders and values of our tribe if we hoped to advance in life. Our tribe became our whole identity and we rallied around sacred tribal objects like flags and colors and we revered sacred places like Athens or Rome or Mecca or Jerusalem.

In human development, we move from being a baby, totally consumed with our own needs, to being an individual who identifies with a specific group…some kind of family structure that gives us food, clothing, shelter and hopefully, love. Without their help we’re dead.

As a child some form of tribalism is necessary if we hope to make it to our next birthday.

 And it also becomes a perfect greenhouse to grow one’s ego.

 In Genesis 12 God called Abram to be the leader of a new kind of tribe.  Remember Father Abraham?  (...had many sons and many sons had father Abraham.  I am one of them, and so are you, so let’s just…)

Anyway, Abram’s tribe was supposed to be different in that his would exist to be a blessing to ALL other tribes.  

Radical concept.  

As this new tribe of Abraham’s grew, they carried with them a sense of calling that they were to play a unique role in the world, to not only concern themselves with their own blessing but to make sure that everyone else experienced that blessing, too.

In the modern world, we still need our tribe to get us going in life and to care for us when times get tough. But, a serious problem emerges when we over- associate with our sub group or heritage, when we place too much dependence and significance on our tribe, when pretty much our whole identity is wrapped up in or represented by that group.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how God always seems to be calling us to a bigger vision.

A way to grow up and out of all our little tribes.

He leads us from: 

– multiple families into One Family

– multiple gods to One God

– multiple parts into One Body

– separation into integration

– our many small kingdoms into His One Great Kingdom

– “them” into “us.”

It seems real Kingdom religion is about making ONE out of TWO.  Whatever is separate, Christ comes to connect… and bring together, and make one.

I’m struck by how the woman in Mark 5 (treated inferior by the men of her time) whom we are told had an “issue of blood” for 12 years ( which deemed her “impure” by her religious group) was  addressed by Jesus as “daughter.”  He immediately identifies with her.  He immediately unifies with her…he calls her family.

Not only that, but He wants to demonstrate to her (and everyone else)

that there aren’t TWO categories: clean and unclean. 

But only ONE category: Good.  

We see him rejecting a tribal law that would call him “unclean,” and get him banned from town if he so much as accidentally touches her.

Jesus seems to want her to know that no matter what the “tribe” may have said she was in no way rejected by God.  She was fully accepted. And he seemed to be willing to stake his ministry on it.

Religion has an amazing ability, as Richard Rohr says, at its lower levels,

to declare certain types of people as outsiders.  

There’s always someone who isn’t as worthy as we are to be included.

The astounding thing to me is almost every single person Jesus touched, ate with, healed or associated with had been banned for one reason or another by his tribe. Time and time again Jesus shocked the crowds and defied his tribal leaders in order to demonstrate God’s higher law.

 Jesus came to show us there is no “them.” There is only “us.” 

Did people get mad? Was it potentially messy? Would there be age old animosities to overcome?  Oh, yeah. But, apparently, for Jesus,

alienation was the only thing

that was ultimately unacceptable in God’s Kingdom. 

Whether we think someone looks in or out, pure or impure, right or wrong Jesus’ words to the thief nailed next to him, are the litmus test for acceptance and what I pray will be the words that pour from my heart toward those from “other” groups. He says,

“Welcome. You belong with me no matter what.

We are not separate.  Come on in.”

Romans 10:12 “For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile- the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him…”

Galatians 3:26,28 “So, in Christ Jesus you are (ALL) children of God…There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”  

so…

– Who are “the outsiders” according to your current tribe? 

 – What forms of ancient tribalism are you holding on to that ban, ostracize or keep you separate from those of “lesser” worth?

I want to quit taking sides… to quit overly identifying with one tribe over another …to quit feeling like my worth is dependent on whether our tribe wins the cultural war of the moment.

I want to quit relishing that feeling of being better than someone else… superior to someone else… more holy or correct than those other people.

I really do want to place my citizenship in the Kingdom of God,

that unifies all, receives all, forgives all, touches all and loves all.

 Though, I will admit, this might get tough this season when the Cowboys make it to the playoffs.

 

You can reach me at [email protected]

***THANKS for SHARING this blog with someone you think might be interested.

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What I’ve Learned In The Desert

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I’ve spent some time in the desert. 

One August friends loaned us their home in Palm Desert. Daily temperatures were around 114 degrees. When I went looking for a tennis partner I was told no one played past 11:00am. Just breathing was a chore in that kind of heat. We drove up into the mountains nearby and as far as you could see the land was brittle, barren and forbidding. I think all we did that trip was sit in the pool.

I’ve spent time in gardens, too.

A few weeks ago, Caron and I went to a little town in north Florida and spent a day biking through some of the most beautiful landscape we’d seen in awhile.  Giant, moss-draped oaks lined the streets.

Deep shade kept us cool in the heat of the day. Everywhere you looked there were flowers and miles and miles of lush coastal marshes.  Just a few hours there and we felt refreshed and renewed. 

All relationships and leadership seem to flow on a continuum

between garden and desert experiences. 

It’s interesting to me that our spiritual story begins in a garden in Genesis 1… and our biological story begins in a garden-like womb. Everything we need to thrive and grow is there.  We are fully provided for.

But, look where we’re first introduced to the ministry of Jesus ––in the desert.  God’s Good News Tour doesn’t open on top of a scenic mountain or in a palatial garden.

It starts from a place of isolated emptiness. 

In the beginning of John’s gospel a voice called people to the desert.  The desert is a deeply evocative place in the scriptures, because we’ve been there, metaphorically, in our own lives.  In the Old Testament the desert speaks of leaving, losing, wandering, struggle and preparation. And it’s where people first hear the promise of a promise land… the promise of a messiah

Years ago, after decades of what felt to me like relentless sacrifice in loving and leading, I got increasingly resentful whenever I was forced into “desert time.”  I didn’t deserve to be there. I had worked so hard to get to the “promise land.”

I never said it, but I know I felt that after all I’d done,

I didn’t  deserve ‘no man’s land.’

Know what I’m talking about?

What is your desert of difficulty or temptation or hardship where you feel most discouraged? 

Out in the desert John the Baptist preached,  “Prepare the way for the Lord.  Make straight paths for him.”  

God seems to be saying: make a straight path for me to walk in the desert places of your life… let’s walk straight into it… and straight through it.  You don’t have to stay there, but let’s not miss there.

I’m writing today from the ‘outback’

of the greatest desert experience of my life.

It’s been a couple of years now. And,, as much as I initially agonized in it, over time, I’ve actually grown fond of much of it’s unique terrain and monastic qualities.  

Here’s how I think I got here:

  1.  I had to ‘get straight’ in my mind, that God had led me into this desert experience. I was fully responsible for what got me here and yet, it was God who brought me here. And though there have been many times of extreme loneliness, we know we are not alone.
  1.  I had to ‘get straight” in my mind that this path, while difficult beyond description, was going somewhere profoundly good-and it wasn’t to hell.  God promises that ALL things end up bringing us to where we began- home. And God’s home always has a garden.
  1. I had to ‘get straight’ in my mind that this path, wasn’t going to last forever…. even though I could see no other road ahead. There is a time and season for everything.  And there’s a reason time passes in seasons.God is always creating, redeeming and resurrecting. So this thing IS actually going somewhere. Somewhere really good.

Jesus came bringing good news.  

And a part of what makes it so good is that

it stands up to the heat of even the most difficult places.

Where is your desert?  

Where do you feel you don’t have enough?  Where do you feel hungry for approval?  What are you lacking? What’s always missing? Where is it you don’t deserve to be? What is it you don’t have enough of? Must you always have a next hill to climb, another mission impossible to accomplish?  What things are you using to ‘medicate’ yourself?

* We can get pretty desperate when we think we’re in a desert.*

Wherever that place is for you, God says let me walk with you THERE, because I’m not ashamed of it anymore than I am ashamed of you.  I’m good news to you in the desert, as well as the garden.  I love you. I’m with you…wherever you are.

…Wilderness and desert will sing joyously, the badlands will celebrate and flower—Like the crocus in spring, bursting into blossom, a symphony of song and color.  

Energize the limp hands, strengthen the rubbery knees. Tell fearful souls, “Courage! Take heart! God is here, right here, on his way to put things right And redress all wrongs. He’s on his way! He’ll save you!”

Springs of water will burst out in the wilderness, streams flow in the desert. Hot sands will become a cool oasis, thirsty ground a splashing fountain.

The people God has ransomed will come back on this road. They’ll sing as they make their way home to Zion, unfading halos of joy encircling their heads,  Welcomed home with gifts of joy and gladness as all sorrows and sighs scurry into the night.

Isaiah 35 (Message)

This is what I’ve experienced in my current desert.  In the midst of all the pain and loss, a symphony of song and color have emerged that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

You can reach me at [email protected]

***THANKS for SHARING this blog with someone you think might be interested.

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Don’t Take This Personal, but… -Part 1

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Our last blog was a sweet little take on 8 Ways to Give Better Feedback. Getting good at giving feedback is a significant life skill we can all use whether we’re an employer, parent or …a heat-seeking HOA president. (more on him below)

Giving feedback is easy.

But what does it take to receive feedback…

without embarrassment, anger, tears, defensiveness, sharpening your ninja blades,

or bingeing on double chocolate cake? 

Well, I’m working on that. Most of my life, I’ve been horrible at this.   

When some of us hear we’re missing the mark in anything, even if it’s done in the sweetest, most tender way, it feels like an all out personal attack. We are the ultra sensitive lot and we hang out on the far end of what I’ll call the FSM. (Feedback Sensitivity Meter.)

At the opposite end are The Few, The Proud, The Brave who cannot wait to get their job performance review because:  a) they’re sure they’ve knocked it out of the park   b)they can’t wait to take the next hill in their personal development.

Can we just agree not to like those people? 

On a scale of 1-10 where would you put yourself on the Feedback Sensitivity Meter?

 

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(1– you’re oblivious to criticism, 10-you need serious meds before any corrective encounter)

 

* What might your direct report say about the number you chose?

* Your friends?

* Your siblings?

* Your roommate?

* Your spouse?

 

If you think you’re between a 1-4 —ask some of the folks above to confirm

your impression and give yourself a high-five.

If you think you’re between a 5-10—keep reading. 

 

First thing we always hear when someone has correction to offer us is…

“Don’t take this personal, but….”

In the famous words of Kathleen Kelly to Joe Fox in You’ve Got Mail, “All that means is that it wasn’t personal to you. But it was personal to me. It’s personal to a lot of people. Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.” 

 

you've got mail

 

Many of us already spend a lot time in our heads in self-criticism. Some of us lived in critical, abusive or unsupportive homes as kids. We are always on alert, reactive to the sting of even well-intentioned feedback. Deep inside, we believe we are flawed and any confirmation of this, like someone suggesting personal improvement, can feel humiliating.

So, how can we open ourselves up to constructive feedback about

our work, our habits, our communication style…our flaws?

A number of significant shifts need to happen in the core of our soul. Our foundation is cracked. Our anchor is loose. The honest truth is some part of us needs to be spiritually and emotionally re-parented.

Oh great, you say. I’ll just add THAT to the calendar for next week.

 Yeah, that needs to be seriously looked at, but in the meantime start here:

– OBSERVE the way you filter information coming toward you.   

Each of us has a personality pattern that receives incoming comments through a uniquely constructed, subconscious filter.

You can say all day long that the grass is green but if I’ve got amber sunglasses on I’m going insist the grass looks gold.  Our unique personality style colors everything we see and hear.

There are nine different personality filters and in our LIVE TRUE Personality & Relational Styles Workshop we teach the beauty and the distortion each type brings to the table.

Once we see the predictable filter we use to hear feedback 

we can better adjust our reactions to other points of view.

 A view point is simply a view from a point. If I am at one place on a mountain in Switzerland I can see a whole lot of the landscape. But, I only see what my view point allows me to see.  Someone else on another spot on the same mountain will have different vistas to report.

When we learn to receive feedback in an undefended way it opens us up to so many (at least 8 other) ways of viewing our life, our work and our relationships. Each persons view is valid. And each of us is convinced our view point offers the best perspective.

But, it’s just our view from our point on the mountain.

To map the whole mountain we need other eyes on the topography. 

When we argue, often it’s because both parties are seeing the same mountain from two different points. We both see it correctly. Perfectly. And we spend enormous energy trying to convince each other our view is the best. 

True spiritual and emotional maturity is learning to seek and

accept the valid perspective of others. 

They help us see and complete “The True Picture of Us.” They see us from their spot on the mountain. They report to us what we cannot possibly see on our own.

 And it helps if they do this in love.

A few months ago I was coming home from an errand with two grandkids in the backseat. Taylor -seven.  JD-five. Because I firmly believe every car ride with a child must be educational, conversational or recreational I proposed a game as we pulled into our subdivision.

“I bet I can make it into our driveway before you can count to ten.” 

Always up for a challenge the kids start counting, and after seeing no oncoming cars, I take a quick short cut, a left turn onto our street….instead of going all the way around the appropriate roundabout at the intersection.

For ten delightful seconds there was great fun in the car

and I pulled victoriously into our driveway right at the shout of “TEN!”

Then a car screeched to a halt in front of our house and a man bolted up our driveway. And without so much as a ” Good afternoon, ” he burst out yelling,

“Do you know what you just did back there?!” 

“uhhh..I’m sorry..” (What in the world– I think- my blood hitting boil) ” and you are….?”

“Do you realize that was against the law?! You must use the roundabout. Someone could have been hurt back there.”

“Oh for goodness, sake!!!  There were no other cars in sight. And, who, sir, might you be?” 

“I am Helmut Weinerhowzer- President of the Homeowners Association. We are trying to run a nice, respectable neighborhood here. We can’t have people breaking the law! 

Adrenalin is now shooting out my pores, “Well, I assure you, sir, I AM a respectable neighbor and….”

At this point, David hears commotion outside and comes to investigate. And after seeing the man’s outrage he says in his best imitation of Solomon,

 ” I see. And was anyone hurt in this incident?” 

“Well, no. But, they could have been…it’s my job to see that things are done right.  I even pick up the trash on the tennis court. We just want a nice, decent neighborhood.” 

 “I’m sure you do a great job at that and I can assure you that’s the kind of neighborhood we want as well. I don’t believe you’ll have any trouble in the future with illegal driving from us. Thanks for stopping by.” 

“Ok, well. I’m just trying to do my job.” 

They shake hands like two guys after a pick up game.

I barely tag the man’s hand, my heart racing, my eyes blazing hot. 

Our local neighborhood watchdog just dropped by that afternoon to offer me a bit of constructive feedback from his unique point of view. And he truly had one —I never even saw his car because he was driving right behind me.

I stand corrected.

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